A Deal with the Devil
by LieNoMore
Summary: A different take on what could have happened in the final episode of the season. Main focus is on Erin, Jay and Voight but other characters will be featured.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So I love Chicago PD, can't wait for it to come back for season two. I loved season one and the finale was one of the best episodes for me. I do however have a different little version in my head of how it could have went down so I thought I'd post it here and see what people thought of it! It'll probably be a few chapters long but here's the first part.**

Jay stood outside the door with Ruzek and the CI, waiting for someone to open it. He wasn't nervous, this is the sort of police work he loved; being undercover, being out in the field. It might sound arrogant or cocky but he was good at it. He liked doing what he was good at. He liked always being that one step ahead of the perp and when he was undercover, he always was because they didn't know his true identity. It was exciting. He could control the play.

All that was shot to hell when the door finally opened. Jay couldn't possibly have prepared himself for what he was about to see.

Charlie.

Erin's old... friend? He didn't know, hadn't quite been able to get a read on him.

Charlie looked momentarily shocked when he saw Jay at the other side of the door, he knew exactly who he was. He hadn't forgotten the look on his face when Erin told him to leave at the police station the other day, he knew there was something going on there.

The shock, however, was soon replaced by a sleazy grin and when Jay followed Charlie's eyes backwards, he understood why.

Erin. There she was, eyes wide, frozen to the spot. It was an unfortunate time for her to stop what she was doing, she was stood there in her bra, holding her top, jeans undone. It didn't take a genius to work out what had just gone on.

"You're Lindsay's police _friend_, huh? How did you know she would be here?"

At the mention of the word police, the CI immediately began to panic. How did Charlie know they were police? What would happen to him now? He considered running but Ruzek's hand found it's way around to his arm and he had no option but to wait it out, see what would happen.

Jay didn't really know what to say. His eyes were locked with Erin's but he couldn't read them, he couldn't work a single thing out. Usually a look between the two of them spoke a thousand words that they both understood but not this time. He supposed he didn't really need any words to explain to him what had happened, the evidence was right in front of him. He was a cop after all.

Ruzek looked at Jay, wondering if he was going to answer the guy inside the flat. He didn't have a clue what was going on. He didn't know who the guy was, didn't understand why Erin was inside looking as if she'd just seen a ghost. He just focused on keeping the CI with them, hoping maybe that he could provide some answers.

"I think there's been a mistake, we should go."

It was all Jay could manage to say, he knew there was no point in attempting to make a deal with Charlie now, they'd been made, he knew who they were. He turned to leave, nodding at Ruzek and the CI to follow him, taking one last look at Erin before he moved.

Something about his movement sprung her into action. She zipped up and buttoned her jeans then quickly put her top back on. She grabbed her jacket from the couch and pushed her way past Charlie.

"Halstead, I'm coming with you. Wait up."

Her voice was flat, Jay again could not read it. Everything was off, he didn't know why.

Charlie grabbed Erin's arm before she could leave the flat, pulling her back slightly.

"Not even a kiss goodbye? That's a little bit rude, Erin. Remember what I said."

He kissed her gently on the cheek but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking directly at Jay, hoping to get a reaction. He hadn't known that he was going to turn up but Charlie was good at thinking on his feet, he knew he could use this situation to his advantage.

Jay glared back at Charlie, wanting nothing more than to grab Erin away from him and punch him square in the face. It took all the will power he had to stop himself from doing it. Instead he settled for the glare, refusing to be the first to look away. If he had looked away, looked at Erin, he would have saw the uncomfortable look on her face, the silent pleading in her eyes. She hadn't wanted Jay to see any of this. She needed to get out of there, get away from everyone and find some place she could just go and think, attempt to get her head straight. Erin pulled herself away from Charlie and walked past Jay, carrying on down the stairs with Ruzek and the CI. She hoped they wouldn't ask any questions, she didn't have the answers.

Soon all four of them were outside, leaving Charlie upstairs to wonder what Erin would do next. She would do what he had told her to, he hoped, she always did.

Erin attempted to walk away from the other three, she didn't say bye, she didn't say anything, she just sped up her walking and hoped they wouldn't question it. Ruzek couldn't, he couldn't let the CI go but Jay, there was no way he was letting Erin off the hook this easily. He threw his car keys at Ruzek, not taking his eyes off his partner. She wasn't that far away yet.

"Take him back to the station, Adam. I'm going to catch a lift with Lindsay."

Ruzek nearly argued back, he wanted to know what was going on just as much as Jay. Something inside him told him just to do as he was told though, it may have been the determined look on Jay's face.

"Oh and Adam? Not a word to anyone about this. Especially not Voight, ok?"

Ruzek nodded, knowing of the closeness between Voight and Erin, just like everyone else in the unit. He didn't understand it but he knew that Voight would not want to hear about Erin hooking up with criminals, that much he understood.

Jay nodded back at Ruzek and ran to catch up with Erin. It didn't take him long. He caught up with her just as she was at her car. He stood behind her and watched as she struggled to get her keys out of her pocket. Her hands were shaking too much and inevitably she dropped them. She was too slow to pick them up, Jay already had them in his hand.

"I'm driving, you're talking."

She didn't have it in her to argue. She didn't really think she was capable of driving at this moment in time anyway. Jay sat down in the driver's seat and watched Erin as she walked around the car to the passenger side. For a split second he thought she might run but relief washed over him as she opened the door and sat down. She didn't look at him, she kept her eyes to the floor. He started the car and began to drive, it didn't matter where to.

After a few minutes of silence, he couldn't take any more.

"So are you going to tell me what just happened there?"

He heard her sharp intake of breath as if his words had pulled her out of her thoughts. She gazed over at him hesitantly, hoping his eyes would be on the road and she wouldn't have to look right into them. Thankfully, he was looking straight ahead.

"We're both adults, Halstead. I'm sure you can figure out what just happened."

There was no humour in her voice, no emotion, no anything. Once again, she was flat. Jay looked over just as she was looking away. Something was off but he couldn't figure out what. Was this embarrassment that he'd practically walked in on her and Charlie? Was it guilt because she was supposed to be with Severide and Jay knew this? Was it sorrow because even if she wouldn't admit it, she knew there was something between them and maybe now she'd just ruined that?

"I don't get it, Erin. You didn't seem happy to see him the other day. Now you're... you're visiting him in the afternoon for a quickie?"

Erin used every bit of strength she had left not to be sick in the car. How the hell had this happened? How had Jay, the last person she would have wanted to have seen at that moment, been the one to walk in and see what he had seen?

"You don't know anything about him. Or me, for that matter. You don't get to judge."

She spat out her words, hoping maybe that if she appeared angry enough then Jay would just let his go, drop it as if he hadn't seen a thing. She still had to find out why he turned up at Charlie's with Ruzek and some random guy but that was all she wanted to talk about, nothing more.

Jay saw her anger for what it was, a show to deflect the attention away from what had gone on. He only wished he knew what really had gone on. She was hiding something, that much he did know.

"I'm not judging, Erin, I'm just confused."

He saw the look on her face which showed that she didn't believe him and he realised that maybe she was right.

"Ok, maybe I am judging, maybe just a little bit. Ruzek and I are expecting to find a guy there who wants to make a deal for some things related to the murder of the security guard this morning and the stolen explosives. The CI takes us to that flat, promising us that the guy is there. The door opens and it's Charlie... that much I could probably have believed but then there's you, in the background, putting your clothes back on? What the hell, Erin?"

The realisation of why Jay and Ruzek had turned up at the door hit Erin like a tonne of bricks. She barely even registered what else Jay had said. Her head hurt with all this new information, she couldn't think straight. She pulled her hands up to her head, rubbing circles on her temples hoping to relieve the pain.

Jay glanced over at her when she didn't reply and saw her massaging her head. With her hands up, the sleeves of her top fell down slightly and he could see her wrists. He could see angry, red marks all over them. Finger marks. Thoughts started plaguing his mind... had she not wanted to do it? Had he forced her? Is that what he was sensing from her, why she was so off?

"Erin..."

He spoke softly as his finger lightly touched her wrist. She looked down and immediately saw what he could see, marks that she hadn't even known were there. She quickly pulled her sleeves down and tried to remain calm but to no avail. She found it difficult to catch her breath knowing that he was looking at her, waiting for her to speak from the other side of the car.

"Stop the car."

That's not what Jay had expected her to say.

"No, Erin, we need to talk about this. Did Charlie-"

"I said stop the car! Now!"

She cut him off, unable to hear him finish the sentence. She felt sick. She needed out, needed air.

"No way, Erin. You think I'm going to stop the car so you can run off and avoid talking about this?"

"Jay you need to stop the car now if you don't want me to be sick all over you."

He slowed down slightly and looked over at her to see if he could read her expression.

"Please?"

Her face was pale, void of any colour. Her hands were shaking and her breathing was erratic. He stopped the car and watched as she opened the door, stood up outside and emptied the contents of her stomach. Her actions confirmed it to him, she didn't even have to say it.

Charlie had raped her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow guys, I can't believe so many people have read this already and it's only been a few hours. As I said, I've had the idea in my head pretty much since the finale aired but I've been so busy with university and placements that I've just not had the chance to write or post anything. I'm really pleased that people have liked it and I hope it's not a bit much for anyone, I know it is a sensitive subject. I think T is the right rating but if anyone thinks it should change then please let me know and I'll see what I can do. **

**Anyway, I've written the next chapter already so I thought I might as well post it. Hope you enjoy, thank you!**

He didn't know what to say, what to do. She was standing outside the car trying to catch her breath after being sick and he was sat inside, clueless. She'd been raped, he was sure of it. He couldn't get the marks on her wrists out of his head, despite the fact she'd been careful to keep them covered since she'd noticed them. Those coupled with her demeanour made him sure of it. She was blank, empty, this wasn't the Erin he knew.

Slowly she sat back down in the car. She'd considered running off, going home but she knew she'd have to face Jay at some point. She couldn't avoid him forever. Maybe now she could convince him that he was wrong because he was, wasn't he? She didn't know. The afternoon's events were a blur to her, she was still in shock.

"Are you ok?"

He silently cursed himself after speaking. Of course she wasn't ok. She'd just spewed her guts up outside the car, that wasn't the action of someone who was ok.

"We need to get back to the station, Voight will be wondering where we are. God knows what Ruzek will have told him."

"He won't have said anything, don't worry about that."

Erin looked across at Jay and her breathing steadied slightly. He wasn't mad at her anymore, she was grateful for that at least.

"Please, let's just go back to the station."

"Will you talk to me there? Whatever's just gone on, Erin, it's tied up in our case. You're gonna need my help to figure this all out."

She knew he was right. Charlie being wrapped up in the Intelligence unit's case was not something that she wanted Voight to find out. He hated Charlie, hated her with Charlie even more.

"Ok, please, let's just go."

Jay took a deep breath and started the car once more. The atmosphere between them was awkward, something that he'd never experienced with Erin before. He was used to there being tension between them, dare he even say sexual tension? Not awkwardness though, he'd felt a closeness to her soon after meeting her and that had only grown once she'd told him a little about her past. They'd been more distant with each other since she'd got together with Severide but it still wasn't awkward, this was something that he wasn't used to.

**At District 21**

She'd tried just to go straight up to her desk but Jay hadn't let her, he needed to talk to her and he knew he couldn't do that with everyone around. He took her downstairs to the basement and waited for her to talk. Seemed like he would be in for a long wait.

The sound of her phone ringing broke the silence between them. Erin rushed to her pocket, glad to have something else to focus on, even for a moment. Her face fell as she saw who was calling.

"Is that him? Give me the phone."

Anger was rushing out of Jay through his words, his body language, everything. How dare he call her after what he'd just done to her?

"Voight actually."

Erin rejected the call as she spoke, fighting to keep the tears away. Voight. He would be so disappointed in her. She owed him everything, her life no doubt and this is what she had done to repay him. He would be so mad, she was sure of that.

"Jay, you can't tell him anything."

He saw the terrified look on her face and almost just wanted to say ok and leave her be. She didn't want to be there with him, talking about anything, he knew that. But he also knew that he couldn't leave her, she was clearly in shock.

"I wouldn't know what to tell him, you haven't told me anything."

Erin heard the hurt in his voice and had to fight the urge to cry all over again. She didn't want to hurt him but how could she explain all this to him? She didn't even really understand herself. It was just... Charlie. He had some sort of power over her and she couldn't fathom it herself never mind expect Jay to.

They were silent once again. Erin was contemplating what to do. What she could tell Jay and what she had to keep to herself. Jay was just trying to give her some time to process things in her head, hoping she'd speak to him when she had. After what seemed like a lifetime, Erin finally spoke.

"He's got dirt on me. Me and my friend, from a long time ago. It's bad. Really bad."

Jay looked at her as she spoke, grateful that maybe she was finally letting him in.

"What kind of dirt?"

"I can't." She shook her head as she spoke. "I can't go into it all, Jay, it was so long ago, it's too... please, I can't."

There was the terrified look on her face once more. The look he hated to see. He'd seen it before, when they were in the hospital and the terrorist had a knife at her throat. He'd had nightmares about that for weeks afterwards.

"Ok, you don't have to tell me about that but you do have to tell me about what happened today."

She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. She remained like that for so long that Jay almost thought she was praying. She wasn't. She was counting slowly in her head, trying to push away the panic, the fear. She was trying to detach herself from what had happened today, it was her go-to defence mechanism, separating herself from the emotion. She'd been doing it since she was a kid.

When Erin opened her eyes again, Jay was met with the blank, empty stare that he'd seen in Charlie's flat. Something had changed in her.

"I didn't know he was involved with the explosives thing today. I promise you, I didn't. He wanted blueprints for a jewellery store down town. I obviously knew that he was going to rob it but I didn't make the connection with the explosives. I didn't want to give him the blueprints but he would have told what he knows about me and Annie and she's got a kid, Jay, I was backed into a corner, I didn't know what to do."

"Did you give him the blueprints?"

Erin reached into her pocket and pulled out a pen drive.

"No, not yet. I got them though."

She felt guilty even telling Jay this. Was she really going to hand them over to Charlie? Let him rob a store, possibly hurt someone in the process? She didn't know if she had any choice, she couldn't see another way out.

"So how did it get from the blueprints to..."

He trailed off, not really knowing what to say. She hadn't confirmed or denied what he believed to have happened, he hadn't even really voiced it to her but he knew she understood what he thought.

"He wanted more than just the blueprints."

If he hadn't been waiting for her to answer, he probably wouldn't have heard her. She spoke so quietly and her voice was shaky, they were getting into dangerous territory.

"I don't get it, Erin."

She sighed, knowing she was going to have to explain this to him. She needed him on side if she was going to attempt to keep all of this from Voight.

"Charlie used to be my boyfriend. A long time ago. Before Voight."

Jay silently cringed at her saying it was before Voight. Since the reunion, he'd known that Voight had taken Erin in when she was 16. That meant she was a kid when she was saying that Charlie was her boyfriend and although he didn't know his age, he knew that he was definitely much older than her. He didn't like where this was going.

"He did a hell of a lot for me, I know you'll find that hard to believe but he did. You don't know what kind of life I had before Charlie and Voight came along, I owe them both so much."

"You were a kid, Erin. You don't owe them anything."

Erin shook her head, he didn't understand.

"No, I wasn't a kid. You don't get a chance to be a kid when you're trying to deal with the things that I was. It's too much to go into, Jay, I can't, not right now... but you know about my parents, I've told you that much before. I was on my own and I couldn't handle it, Charlie helped me with everything."

"At what price, Erin?"

Jay was getting sick of listening to her defend him, it didn't make any sense to him. Her eyes were pleading with him again, pleading with him just to listen to her.

"He got me into some dodgy stuff, made me do things that I didn't want to do... I don't deny that. But I loved him, Jay. Or I thought I did as a teenager. I know you don't understand and that's ok but please, don't look at me like I'm crazy."

He closed his eyes and made a concerted effort to change his expression. Erin was right, he didn't understand. But he also didn't understand the life she'd had back then, the part Charlie had played in taking her away from that. All he could see is that Charlie took her away from one hell and placed her in another. Obviously Erin couldn't see that yet.

"I'm sorry. It's just... difficult. Your wrists... Erin?"

He couldn't form a sentence. He needed to hear her tell him that she hadn't been forced to have sex with Charlie today. He needed to hear it.

"He wanted sex. I suppose he can just be a bit rough sometimes. Always has been. I didn't want to but like I said, Annie... she has a kid-"

"Just because she has a kid doesn't mean that she can't fight her own battles, Erin!"

"She can't! Not against Charlie. Not when he knows what he does. But he usually listens to me, I thought I could talk him round, I thought I could make him change his mind, that's why I went to see him today."

Jay listened up again, feeling as if they were now getting somewhere.

"I told him that I would be able to get the blueprints but that was it, no more. I told him that I wasn't 16 anymore, that I didn't want to have sex with him, that it wasn't necessary but it was the only way out, he wasn't backing down."

Jay moved closer to Erin and put his hand on top of hers.

"Did you consent?" He spoke gently, not wanting to upset her anymore than she clearly already was.

She looked at him but didn't answer. She didn't know what to say.

"Erin, please, just talk to me. Did you say yes? Did you say you'd do it? No judgement, I promise."

Finally, she shook her head.

"I don't know what happened. We were talking about it, I was trying to get him to change his mind and the next thing I knew, it was happening. He was on top of me and I... I froze, Jay. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no. I tried to get him off me, I tried to resist but then something came over me and I couldn't move any more. I was stuck, trapped underneath him. I don't know what happened."

She was some place else entirely now, Jay could see that from the distant, haunted look in her eyes. She couldn't see it, couldn't see that he had raped her but Jay could see it clear as day. She had gone to Charlie and told him that she didn't want to have sex with him and he had forced her to do it anyway. That was rape in his book. It didn't matter that she hadn't said no or that she had frozen, he'd dealt with enough cases like this to know that Charlie would have understood her wishes. His heart hurt so bad for her, he'd never seen her look so scared, so worn out.

"He did this, Erin. Not you. You have to know that."

His words momentarily brought her back to the room. She wanted to believe him but she couldn't, the situation was all too familiar. She felt like a teenager again, being forced to do whatever Charlie wanted her to because he'd helped her out.

"I don't know what to do, Jay."

She whispered at him, hoping he could find a solution for her. The day's events were starting to take a toll on her. Her whole body ached and her mind was shot to pieces. Erin had gotten herself into plenty messy situations in her life but this one topped them all. She had no clue what to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for the reviews and follows, I really, really appreciate them. I want to apologise for not answering any questions or anything in the last update, I just got a bit over excited and posted it without thinking. To whoever asked if Severide will make an appearance, the answer is most likely yes but I haven't quite got it figured out yet. I do watch Chicago Fire and I love his character so I'll see what I can come up with. Then to the person who posted the prompt, I do actually have a similar idea in mind so keep reading!**

**Anyway, here is the 3rd chapter. In all honesty, I'm not overly pleased with this one but I feel that I had to get a few things out of the way so perhaps the flow of it isn't quite right. I promise that the next chapter will be better!**

Voight tried Erin's number again and was angry to find that it went straight to voicemail. He didn't really know why he wanted to check in on her, he just wanted to see where she was at. Charlie Pugliesi was back in town and although he trusted Erin when she said she'd handle it, he knew what the guy was like. He shivered thinking of the states he used to find her in after she'd had an argument with him back when she was a teenager, he didn't want to ever see her like that again. She had never admitted to Voight that Charlie had ever physically harmed her but he had his suspicions and something just didn't sit right with him knowing that the guy was back in town. He walked up the steps into the precinct, hoping to find Erin at her desk.

**Downstairs**

Erin's eyes had fallen to the floor. She couldn't believe she'd just told Jay all that, she didn't know what had come over her. She couldn't look at him, didn't want to see whatever expression would be on his face. Anger? Pity? Shock?

In reality he was just hurt. Hurt for her and hurt that she hadn't come to him and asked for help, or even gone to Voight, anyone. He wanted to make everything right for her again but he had no idea where to even begin. He looked over at her and almost wanted to cry when he saw the dejected look on her face. He stepped a little closer to her and pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when he felt her momentarily tense up.

"I'm not gonna cry. I won't cry." Her voice was barely above a whisper but he heard her loud and clear. She wasn't ready to break down yet. She pulled herself away from him and tried to steady her breathing.

"We don't have time for this. Charlie will be expecting me soon and I don't know what to do. I can't not go, there's too much riding on it. Annie, Travis, my job... my freedom."

"It's that bad? It's something that you could go down for?"

She gave him a shaky nod of her head.

There was silence for a minute or two then Jay finally spoke, knowing Erin wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

"What's Voight always say? Tell him the truth so he can lie for you."

He hadn't even finished the sentence and Erin was already manically shaking her head.

"No, no way, I can't. You don't understand, Jay... he'll kill him and I won't be able to stop him this time."

"This time?"

Erin sighed, regretting going down this road.

"I was with Charlie before Voight took me in. They hated each other. Voight was always trying to get me to leave him but I just couldn't do it. Eventually Voight took matters into his own hands and very nearly killed Charlie. I persuaded him just to make him leave town instead. I haven't seen him since. That was 12 years ago."

"A lot can change in 12 years, Erin."

"Charlie hasn't changed."

Silence loomed between them again. Jay didn't like what had been implied by Erin's comment. Had he done something to her before? He knew that now wasn't the time to ask her but he stored the comment away in his head for another time.

"Voight loves you, Erin. He'd do anything for you, anyone can see that."

"I don't want him to have to do anything for me, Jay. You don't get it! I know you like to joke around with it but Voight practically is my dad, he's the closest thing I've ever had to one anyway. I don't want him to know this, he'd be so disappointed in me."

She felt tears in her eyes and looked away, not wanting Jay to see her cry. He understood her last comment at least, he'd been so scared to tell his dad that he wasn't going back to the army for fear of disappointment.

"Ok, I get it, alright? I get that you're scared to tell him but you have to, Erin. You have to at least tell him about the jewellery store and the explosives. That's his case, he'll be pissed if he knows we knew about it and went behind his back. You know that."

He was right, she knew it but she just didn't know if she could do it. She could leave out what had happened between her and Charlie this afternoon but if she told him about the case then she would have to tell him about Sandoville and Annie. She didn't even know if he would help her, surely there was a limit to how far he would go for her? He'd already given her so much, it was selfish of her to expect more.

"I don't know, Jay. What if he doesn't help? What if Charlie tells anyway?"

"Erin, come on. Like I said, Voight loves you. There's nothing he wouldn't do for you, trust me on that. And Charlie... he's not so clean cut himself, is he? I'm sure we could find some dirt on him."

Jay's phone ringing stopped the conversation.

"Voight. What do you want me to do?"

Erin took a few moments and breathed in deeply.

"Tell him I'm on my way up to see him."

**Voight's Office**

"What's going on, Erin? I've been calling you."

"I know, I'm sorry. I needed a bit of time."

As she sat herself down, Voight could sense that something wasn't right. He'd known Erin Lindsay for 14 years now, he was probably the person in the world who knew her the most.

"You look worried, what's wrong?"

She repeated the actions she'd made downstairs earlier with Jay, putting her head up to the ceiling and counting into herself. She couldn't afford to get emotional right now or else too much would come out.

Voight's senses perked up as soon as he saw what she was doing. This wasn't good. He'd seen her do it so many times before and it was never a good thing.

"Charlie. I know I said I could handle it but I can't. He's behind the missing explosives this morning. I didn't know beforehand, I swear."

"How do you know this?"

"Halstead and Ruzek found out. The guy their CI took them to, it was Charlie. Like I say, I didn't know. But I... I think I know what he's gonna use them for."

"What?"

She stopped, trying to think of the best way to put it.

"Do you remember my friend Annie?"

Voight was confused for a second, wondering what this had to do with anything. Then he remembered back to when he first took Erin in, he and his wife were always trying to get her to talk about things; her parents, Charlie, the drugs, the prostitution but she'd always just go off on little tangents, talking about other things. It was just the way she was.

"Yeah, I remember her. You're still friends with her, right?"

"Yeah. Best friends. We've been through a lot together. Back when we were younger... before you..."

Erin trailed off slightly, trying so hard to keep it together. She was almost there, she couldn't crumble now.

"There was this guy. Sandoville was his name. He was a bit older than Annie and me. Annie was really into him for a while but then he got really controlling... he was doing some awful things to her and she hadn't told anyone but me. I tried to help her, Hank, I really did but one day he went too far and she snapped... she killed him."

Erin had deliberately been quite vague when talking about the relationship between Annie and Sandoville because she knew it would just make her think of the parallels between them and her and Charlie. That was too much for now. She looked up meekly, wondering what Voight's reaction would be.

Voight sat down opposite her and took her hands in his.

"Erin, I appreciate that you've just confided something in me but what's any of this got to do with Charlie and the explosives?"

"I helped Annie bury the body. I didn't know what else to do. She was my best friend and he was a horrible, awful guy. Charlie... he knows. I was young and I was stupid and I told him everything because I trusted him, I thought he loved me, I thought I loved him..."

Before she knew it, she was crying. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Voight pulled her over to him and enveloped her in a massive hug that he hoped would be enough to calm her down.

"Hey, it's ok, it's alright."

After a few minutes, Erin got herself together.

"Charlie wants blueprints to a jewellery store down town. I think he's going to use the explosives to break in. He said he'll tell about Sandoville if I don't hand them over. I got the blueprints, I nearly gave them to him. He's expecting me with them soon. I don't know to do, Voight. I can't let Annie go to jail, **I** don't want to go to jail, I just... I don't know what to do."

Voight's head was spinning trying to take in all the information that Erin had just given him. As much as he knew her well, he knew there were huge parts of her life that she kept secret from everyone, this thing with Annie and Sandoville was obviously one of them. He couldn't really think about that now, he had to think of how to deal with Charlie. One thing was for sure, he wasn't about to see Erin go to jail.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! Again, many thanks for all the reviews/follows etc. They really do mean a lot to me. I haven't written anything in years so it's nice to know that people are still interested in what I've come up with. **

**Something else has just occurred to me and that's to let you guys know that I'm not American, I'm actually from Scotland, so there may be some words in the chapters that aren't exactly correct for American audiences. Apologies for that but I really just have to write it as I think it and I would get myself all confused if I tried to Americanise everything.**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

Jay was sat nervously at his desk, pretending to look at something on his computer when Ruzek appeared in front of him.

"Dude, what the hell was that back then?"

Antonio and Olinsky looked up, Ruzek had been a little louder than he thought.

Jay stood up beside him and motioned for him to follow him into the break room. He tried to sneak a peak into Voight's office on the way over but the door was fully closed, he couldn't see how Erin was getting on. Once they were in the room and had the door closed, Jay finally spoke.

"Did I not say not a word, Adam?"

"Oh and that means to you too? Come on, Halstead. You've gotta give me something."

"Just forget it, ok? It's being figured out as we speak."

Ruzek was confused. He knew there was something going on here that he wasn't being let in on but he just couldn't figure out what it was.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I've got the CI downstairs going crazy because his friend knew we were police and I can't even explain anything to him because I'm clueless myself. Do you know how stupid that makes me look?"

Jay closed his eyes, trying to decide what he could and couldn't tell Ruzek.

"Look, I met the guy downstairs the other day with Erin, she knows him-"

"Yeah, I could see that!"

Jay had to fight with himself not to punch Adam in the face. He didn't know what had happened, he couldn't blame him.

"It's complicated, ok? Lindsay's talking to Voight just now and they'll sort it out together. Just leave it be."

With that, he walked out of the break room and hoped it would be enough to keep Ruzek quiet. For now at least anyway.

As he was walking out, he very nearly collided with Erin and Voight. Erin quickly rushed past him and hoped that he wouldn't notice that she'd been crying, she couldn't deal with any more pity. Just as Jay went to go after her, Voight pulled him back.

"You know what's going on here?"

Jay nodded silently, unsure of how much Erin had told Voight.

"She's gonna give him what he wants and then when we make the arrest later, I'm gonna need you downstairs with me for back up. You got it?"

It wasn't really a question as much as an order but Voight knew that he could exploit Halstead's feelings for Erin and rely on him to help take Charlie down. If that meant the cage then so be it. Jay internally cringed at Voight saying Erin would give Charlie what he wanted. That sentence alone told him that Erin hadn't confided in Voight about what had happened that afternoon.

Again, Jay nodded. He couldn't wait to get his hands on Charlie, he didn't need to be asked twice.

**Downstairs**

Erin was back down in the basement again collecting her jacket, contemplating whether she could really go back to Charlie's flat. She had to, she knew she had to but she just didn't know if she could. She was trying to rally herself, convince herself that everything would be fine. She would just go, give him the blueprints and then leave. Simple. Would it be though? This morning she'd told herself the same thing and then... that had happened. She still couldn't label it in her head because she was so unsure. Charlie had told her to come over and they'd have sex and she'd gone over so surely that was leading him on? Maybe she had meant to do it after all, knowing it was the only way out.

Just as she'd convinced herself to go and get it over with, Jay entered the basement.

"You're not going back there, Erin."

"I have to."

"He raped you, Erin! Don't you get that?"

They were looking into each other's eyes but Erin's were just blank, void of all emotion. It was as if she was looking right through Jay instead of looking at him.

"We don't have time for this, Halstead. He's expecting me with the blueprints, he'll know something's up if I don't show."

"I'll take them to him."

"No, no way. He'll smell a rat. He's not stupid."

"I can't believe you're standing here defending him!"

"I'm not defending him, I'm just stating fact. If you show up instead of me then he'll know that something's wrong."

Jay couldn't believe that she was attempting to be logical, stating facts. She should be shouting, screaming, crying... anything but this. He did know, however, that there was truth in what she was saying. Charlie probably wouldn't accept the blueprints from anyone but Erin.

"Ok, fine. I'm coming with you then."

Erin considered arguing with him further but relented before she'd begun. Maybe she'd be better with Jay with her.

"Fine but you wait in the car while I go up, he'll suspect something otherwise."

They both grabbed their jackets and headed out to the car, Jay still with the keys from earlier. The journey to Charlie's flat was silent, Erin stared blankly ahead the whole time, even when Voight called her to see if she was there yet. She answered him and then hung up the phone.

"You didn't tell him, did you?"

Erin didn't answer, she didn't even glance in Jay's direction. He decided not to push her, her lack of answer told him everything. She must still be in shock. He just had to get her through these next few hours and then he and Voight would be able to sort Charlie out.

When Jay stopped the car, he had to tap Erin to pull her out of her trance. She hadn't realised they were there.

"I want you to call my phone and leave it on in your pocket, that way I can hear everything that's being said up there."

"I don't think that's necessary."

"You don't? Are you for real, Erin? I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. If you don't do it then I'll come up there and the whole thing will be shot to hell, Charlie included."

At the mention of Charlie's name, Erin turned to face Jay. She nodded gently, conceding that he had a point. Her breathing started to get heavier and she had to make a concerted effort to calm herself down. She was really going to do this, she was going to go upstairs to Charlie's flat, back to where it had all happened this morning. Maybe she could get away with just standing in the doorway.

Jay immediately saw that she was beginning to struggle. He didn't know which he preferred to see – vacant Erin or upset Erin. He'd be hard pushed to choose. He brought his hand down over hers and rubbed circles over it with his thumb.

"Hey... you don't have to do this, you know. There's not a single person who'd blame you for not wanting to go up there."

"I do have to do this. We don't have anything on him right now. We can't tie him to the explosives robbery, the word of a CI means nothing. We need to catch him in the act tonight so that we can take him in, otherwise we've no leverage and he'll tell everything. I have to do this. There's no other option."

Jay hated that she was right. He pulled her phone out of her pocket, called his, answered it and placed hers back inside her jacket.

"Don't hang up, ok? If he tries anything, anything at all, I will be up there in two seconds, alright?"

Again she nodded and got out of the car.

**Charlie's Flat**

Erin knocked on the door and waited for Charlie to answer. She didn't know how she'd feel when she saw him, didn't know if she'd be able to keep her emotions in check. Internally she scolded herself, of course she would keep her emotions in check. She would have to.

The door slowly creaked open, Charlie was being cautious, unsure of who was on the other side. He grinned when he saw Erin. He was always happy to see her, he'd missed her all these years.

"You took your time."

Erin put her hand in her pocket and pulled out the pen drive. She didn't want any conversation with him, she just wanted this over with.

"Here. The blueprints are on it. That's it, I'm done now Charlie. This is done."

Just as she went to turn away, Charlie grabbed her arm.

"It's done when I say it's done. Don't forget who's calling the shots here."

Downstairs in the car, Jay sat upright in his seat, ready to run out of the car at a second's notice. There was no way he was going to let anything else happen to Erin, not on his watch.

"What? What is it that you want, Charlie? I don't have anything else to give."

Charlie placed his hand on Erin's cheek and stroked it gently. He could feel her trembling slightly underneath his touch and it made him feel that bit more powerful. She may be a police officer now while he was still a criminal but he was the one in charge and she knew it.

"You been too busy giving yourself to other men? Like your detective friend, huh? He didn't seem too pleased with what he saw this morning, did he?"

Jay tensed up listening to Charlie through the phone. He hadn't realised that his feelings for Erin were so transparent to everyone.

"I'm not discussing this with you."

"So there is something to discuss?"

"Charlie, leave it. I've done what you asked now just drop it. Please."

Charlie slowly released his grip on Erin's arm, knowing that he had her right where he wanted her.

"We're almost there now, Erin. Hey, I'll call you when it's all over, we can celebrate like we used to in the old days, huh?"

Erin looked into Charlie's eyes for the first time and all she felt was hatred. Hatred and disgust. She couldn't believe she had ever been in love with this guy, that she'd ever wanted to spend time in his company. Now he made her skin crawl and she couldn't wait to see him get what he deserved.

"Go to hell."

She took the opportunity that she had now that her arm was free and bolted off down the stairs. After what seemed like forever, she finally reached the car and Jay.

"You alright?"

"Just drive. I don't want to be here anymore."

Jay could see tears glistening in his eyes and part of him wanted to sit there and wait with her until she cried, he knew she needed to let some sort of emotion out rather than bottling everything up. Their current location however was not the best place for her to break down so he listened to what she said and drove away.

Now it was just a waiting game.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Sorry for the slight delay in updating, I just had a really crazy weekend. Here is the next chapter though. Again, I'm not 100% sure on the flow of it but logistically, I had to get certain things out of the way and I couldn't think of a better way to do it. Also, I do have a plan to sort out the Severide situation at some point but it just couldn't fit into this chapter, there was too much going on already. **

**I'm trying to think if there's anything else to say about this chapter... ooh, I decided to name Voight's wife Georgia, I don't think we know what her name was but if we do then let me know and I'll see if I can change it. Oh and someone in the reviews mentioned prostitution and being upset that I wrote Erin had done that... solicitation was on her CI file and that means prostitution where I'm from but apologies if it means something different in America and I've made a mistake with that. I'm not at all clued up on American law or criminal charges or anything like that. **

**Lastly just thanks again for all the reviews, follows and favourites. They really do mean a huge amount to me and they spur me on to continue the story.**

The car journey back to the station was once again silent. Erin couldn't bring herself to say anything because she knew her emotions were simmering near the surface and she couldn't afford for them to spill over yet. This wasn't over, it wasn't done, she had to keep her head. Besides, she'd confided in Jay too much today already, she didn't want to embarrass herself even further. Jay wanted to say something to her, wanted to check that she was ok, wanted to help but he really just didn't know how. He'd dealt with rape cases before and of course he'd always felt sympathy for the victim but now that he was personally involved, everything was different.

When they arrived at the station they went upstairs and were greeted by Voight who instructed them to sit down so that he could go through the briefing. He gave Erin a direct look, hoping she would understand that this would mean giving the rest of the unit some information about Charlie. She did understand but it didn't make her dread it any less.

Voight put Charlie's picture on the board and gave a little background info on him, info that his "CI" had given him. Erin inwardly cringed. She hated being referred to as Voight's CI, that's something she had been when she was a kid, when her life was a mess and she had nothing else. She liked to think that she was past all that now but the events of the past 24 hours had dashed her hopes slightly on that. She was still the same, she hadn't progressed.

Erin felt like the eyes of the whole team were on her. Jay was looking at her like he had been all day. Ruzek was now glancing in her direction because he obviously recognised Charlie from this morning. Then there was Olinsky. He knew Charlie, she'd forgotten all about that. She just wanted the ground to swallow her up, to be anywhere else but where she was.

"Ok guys, be ready in 15 minutes. We're heading to the jewellery store to wait for Pugliesi and his crew to show up."

Voight stole one last glance at Erin and walked into his office, Olinsky followed behind him.

"That's who I think it is?"

Voight sighed and nodded. Olinsky and him had been working in the same unit when he first met Erin. He knew almost as much about her as Voight did and that included her history with Charlie.

"Did she know about any of this?"

Again, Voight nodded. "She came to me with the information. He was trying to blackmail her... we both know she's got a somewhat shady past, well Charlie knows too and he was trying to use it against her. I won't let him get away with this, Alvin. No chance. I should have dealt with him 12 years ago when I had the chance."

"You remember why you didn't though, right? For her. You need to keep that in mind, Voight."

Voight knew that Olinsky was right but it was good to be able to talk openly about how he felt about Charlie. Alvin was always his sounding board, they went back so far that he had no fear of judgement from him.

"I know, you're right... but something just doesn't feel right. Erin she's... I don't know, she's like that lost little teenager again, the power this guy has over her, I'll never understand it."

"At least she came to you though, right? That's got to mean something. She asked for help and we both know that's not something that comes easily to her. Is anyone else in on this?"

"Halstead. His CI took him to Charlie, I think Erin's told him a bit about it. Ruzek was there too but I don't think he knows anything."

"Ok, I'll keep an eye on her, don't worry. She'll be fine, we've got her back like we always do."

**Break Room**

Erin was filling up her flask with coffee, unsure of how long they'd have to wait for Charlie and knowing that she'd need something to give her a bit of energy. Jay walked in behind her and shut the door.

"You ready for this?"

She turned round to face him and almost dropped her flask, her hands were shaking that much.

"He's gonna freak out, I know he is."

Jay took a look through the window of the door to make sure no one was around and then stepped closer to her, putting his arm around her.

"We'll all be there, Voight, Olinsky, Ruzek, Antonio and me... we've all got your back. Charlie can't touch you."

Erin forced herself out of his embrace.

"I'm not scared of him, Jay. I'm scared of what he's going to say, I'm scared of what's going to happen next."

Before Jay could answer, Voight's loud voice interrupted him.

"Alright, let's go everyone. Lindsay, you're with me. Halstead, you go with Antonio and Ruzek with Olinsky. Let's get a move on!"

About twenty minutes later, the cars were all positioned around the jewellery store. They knew they were early but it paid to be prepared. Erin sat next to Voight in the car and tried desperately to get her brain in gear. She felt like her head was just made of cotton wool, she couldn't concentrate on anything, the panic was too real. She closed her eyes and tried her usual trick of detaching herself from everything but it just wouldn't work, it was too real now. They were here, Charlie was soon to find out that she had double crossed him and then she couldn't predict what would happen. She hated not knowing, hated not being in control.

Voight looked across at Erin and placed his hand on top of hers.

"There's no avoiding this, kid."

She opened her eyes and looked back across at Voight, taking a little comfort in the fact that he was beside her. It never ceased to amaze her just how much faith Voight had in her, more than she'd ever had in herself anyway.

"I know, I'm just... worried, I guess. I know we'll have this as leverage against Charlie but what if he decides just to take me and Annie down with him? She's got a kid, Voight... I've got my job, this is everything to me, you know that."

"I know, I know it is. But you have to believe that I won't let that happen, Erin. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that Charlie doesn't say a word about Sandoville."

Erin knew that Voight wasn't bluffing, he really would do anything and that's partly what scared her.

"I don't want you to have to do whatever it takes, Hank. I know what that means and you shouldn't have to compromise yourself like that, not for me."

"You're family, Erin. I know neither of us are the sentimental type but you know what you mean to me. Sometimes I can't believe that you were 16 when we took you in, it feels like you've always been with us... and I know that she wasn't your real mum but you remind me so much of Georgia every day. You've got her grit, her determination... I won't see that being pulled away from you by some scumbag like Charlie Pugliesi."

Erin had to close her eyes once again to stop the tears from spilling over. She would never, ever be able to repay the Voights for what they had done for her. God knows if she would even be alive now had they not taken her in and cared for her the way that they had. She was grateful for it every day.

"She was an amazing woman and you're right, she wasn't my real mum but she was better than that, she was the mum I got to choose for myself and I couldn't have hoped for a better choice. I miss her all the time."

The car was silent for a few moments as both Erin and Voight tried to collect their emotions. It had been four years since Voight's wife had passed away but the feelings were still raw.

"She'd be really proud of you, you know that?"

Erin finally let herself go and the tears came rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't possibly imagine that Voight's wife would be proud of her, not after what had happened earlier today.

"I'm not so sure about that, Voight. I nearly just handed over the blueprints and let Charlie do whatever he wanted, I don't think that's anything to be proud of."

"But you didn't, Erin. You didn't give into him. You came to me."

"No... you don't understand, I did give in, I-"

Just as Erin was about to spill about what had happened earlier that day, they spotted Charlie rolling up in his vehicle.

"Eveybody go!" Voight spoke into his walkie, instructing his team to make a move.

They all jumped out of their cars, Erin included. Talking to Voight would have to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the slight delay in updating, I've been really busy with work and uni and just not had a chance. I want to say thanks again to everyone for the reviews, they keep me focused on the story. **

**I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and that the last part doesn't get too confusing with everyone involved but on different sides of the room. Let me know if it's a bit too complicated and I'll try and rewrite it. Thanks again, enjoy!**

"I'd like to report a murder from October 2nd 2002. The victim's name was Ricky Sandoville. I have all the information; who killed him and who helped bury the body."

Erin's heart lept into her mouth but she couldn't let it show, she couldn't let Charlie see that he was getting to her. He was raging, seething, he couldn't believe that Erin had crossed him and assumed that he was bluffing. He fully intended on following through with his earlier threats.

Jay looked across at Erin... she had killed someone? Or at the very least, she had helped bury the body? His head was spinning. This was the dirt Charlie had on her? He didn't know what to think. He would have to hear her side of it but at the moment, it didn't sound too good.

Ruzek and Antonio looked on, confused. What did this murder have to do with the current crime? Why was he focusing completely on Erin? Nothing made sense.

Voight stared at Charlie, trying to use every little bit of willpower he had not to go up and smash the guy square in the face. He hated him just as much, if not more, than he did 12 years ago.

Olinsky pulled Charlie's wrists closer together behind him and pushed him towards the car.

"No, he's coming with us, Alvin."

Erin's head spun around towards Voight. Was she really going to have to be in a car with Charlie?

"Are you sure?"

"100%, I'm not letting him out of my sight."

Voight also knew that if he and Erin were the ones to escort Charlie back to the precinct then he wouldn't have to put the rest of the unit in the position of lying about anything that was said on the way there. Voight knew that nothing Charlie said would make it into official documentation but he didn't want to force anyone else to lie about it.

Olinsky forced Charlie into Voight's vehicle and strapped him in, making sure he wouldn't be able to get out. He assisted Ruzek, Halstead and Antonio with the other suspects and they all got in their respective cars, Jay stealing one last glance at Erin. She looked like she was in shock. He wanted to pull her away from Charlie and Voight and take her in the car with him and Dawson but he knew that it would raise too many questions, questions that she was unable to answer at the moment. So he watched her get in the front of the car with Voight and prayed that she would be able to keep it together for just a little while longer. At least Voight would be there if Charlie tried anything.

Charlie's mind was spinning, how should he play this? He was also in shock at the fact that Erin had lied to him and he hadn't even suspected a thing. This was different to the Erin that he had known years ago. Back then, he could read her like a book and he could make her do anything that he wanted her to do. He had complete control over her because he'd gotten her out of so many bad situations and because she had to turn to him for drugs. He didn't have that over her anymore but something was still there, this morning had shown that.

Voight started the car and pulled out, turning towards Erin.

"You ready, kid?"

She nodded gently, very aware of Charlie's eyes at the back of her. She could almost feel them drilling holes through the back of her head.

"Aww, isn't that sweet?"

"I suggest you keep quiet, Charlie, anything you say is only going to be used against you."

"And what about the things I said about Lindsay? Are they going to be used against her? Because I've plenty of secrets to share."

Erin breathed in deeply, trying to calm down. Charlie wouldn't tell about this morning surely?

"You think I believe a single word you say? You're a low life, Pugliesi. Always have been, always will be."

"And she's much better? There was a time when she couldn't get enough of this _low life_."

Voight gripped onto the steering wheel much tighter than was needed. He could settle himself slightly by imagining it was Charlie's neck.

"She set this up today, she tell you that? She got me the blueprints. Doesn't that make her some kind of accomplice?"

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

Voight knew that the blueprints Erin had given Charlie would have no trace back to her. Jin would have made sure of that.

"That's right, typical cops, all sticking together, huh? Shouldn't expect nothing less. But hey, even cops can't ignore a murder, right? Even one that happened 12 years ago... you remember, Lindsay?"

"Don't you talk to her. If you've got anything to say then you talk to me. Not to her."

"Erin doesn't mind, do you? If I remember correctly, Erin loves to _talk_ to me, right?"

"STOP!" Erin's voice was much louder than she had anticipated but she needed to make him stop talking. He was going to push her too far and she would say too much in front of Voight and that would be the worst thing that could happen with Charlie in the car.

Luckily they pulled up to the precinct just at that moment. Olinsky had already arrived and was waiting outside for Voight to help him bring in Charlie. Erin ducked out of the car as quickly as she could.

**Ten minutes later**

Charlie was in the interrogation room, trying to anticipate what would happen next. He would bring Erin and Annie down with him, that much he was sure of.

Erin stood on the other side of the glass with Jay, looking at Charlie and trying to figure out what to do.

"We're nearly there, Erin. You just need to let Voight and me handle this now."

So much of her wanted just to agree and let them go in and do whatever they wanted with him. She wouldn't be sorry if they killed him, what good was he to anyone alive? Another part of her, however, wanted to confront him, wanted him to admit to everything that he had done so that she could clarify some things in her head. She needed to take back some control and be the one to set out what would happen from here on out.

Jay was scared of how silent she was. He couldn't read her, couldn't figure out what she was thinking at all. Her eyes hadn't moved from Charlie since they'd stood there, it was almost as if she was a statue, stuck to the spot.

The door opened and Voight entered the room.

"Erin, you need to go. I'll deal with this."

She hesitated. Her feet almost carried her out of the room, up the stairs to her car and home to her apartment. Maybe she could have a beer, or two, or a pack... go to bed and forget about everything that had happened. Tomorrow would be a new day. But no... she knew she couldn't. She had to do this.

"I want to talk to him first. Then you can do whatever the hell you want."

She moved quickly so that neither of them could stop her but she wasn't quite quick enough. Jay grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, forgetting about the marks from earlier that were now turning into bruises. She winced, hoping Voight wouldn't notice.

"That's not a good idea, Erin."

"I'm not asking for your permission, Halstead."

She heard Voight breathe in as if he was about to say something.

"Or yours, Voight. I'm talking to him and that's that."

With that, she walked out the room and back in the other side to where Charlie was sitting. Voight glanced over at Halstead, wondering why he was so against Erin speaking with Charlie. Was it just because he carried a bit of a torch for her?

"Just you and me, huh Erin?"

She wanted to scream, shout, punch, kick... anything, but she couldn't, she had to keep it together or else they wouldn't get anywhere.

"This is over for you now, Charlie. The evidence is stacked against you, there's no getting out of it. You might as well co-operate."

He looked at her and couldn't see the girl he once knew anymore. He had seen her this morning at his apartment but now, she was somebody different. She thought she was in control.

"What about the evidence that's against you? I could lead some of your detective friends to Sandoville's body, we both know that. Then you and Annie, you're both done."

Erin closed her eyes as she thought of Annie and Travis, she hated that they'd become collateral damage in one of Charlie's sick games. It wasn't fair.

"I'll say it was me. **If **there's anything to be answered, I'll say it was me. Keep Annie out of it so that she can stay with Travis. You know, your son? So it's just you and me, you're right. We'll go down the tubes together."

"I don't believe you. You're a cop now, I don't believe a word that you say."

"Well I don't believe anything you say either so at least the feeling's mutual, right?"

Jay glanced nervously at Voight, wondering what was going through his head. Did he have any idea? He couldn't believe how calm Erin was being in that room with Charlie. It confirmed to him that the morning's events hadn't really sunk in for her yet. She was probably still running on adrenaline.

"You used to trust me, Lindsay. What happened? Voight's poisoned your mind."

Voight's jaw stiffened at the mention of his name. He wanted to go in there and sort Charlie out himself but he knew that Erin would never forgive him if he did that.

"My mind isn't poisoned. It's the clearest it's ever been when it comes to you. You're no good for me, you never were."

"Really? That's not the impression I got this morning."

Jay's breath hitched in his throat, wondering what would happen next. He was considering going through and stopping the conversation there and then but something told him to stay where he was. He looked once again at Voight and saw that he looked confused, he obviously had no idea.

Erin was so caught up in the moment with Charlie, focusing on keeping calm and keeping her head that she had forgotten Jay and Voight were on the other side of the mirror and could hear everything that was being said.

"You know I didn't want that to happen."

Voight positioned himself closer to Jay.

"What's she talking about, Halstead? Didn't want what to happen?"

Charlie noticed that Erin's hands were starting to shake slightly. The control was slipping away from her.

"You came over. Why would you come over if you didn't want to do it?"

Jay didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell Voight, it wasn't his story to tell but would it sound better coming from him than coming from Charlie? He didn't know.

"I came over to talk. You..."

"What? What did I do, Lindsay? I didn't do a single thing that you didn't want me to."

"Liar. You know you're wrong."

Voight was slowly but surely losing his temper. He didn't like not being in the loop, especially when it came to Erin.

"I mean it, Halstead. You better tell me what's going on here right now!"

Erin was determined not to give up. She was shaking and she wasn't quite keeping her cool any more but she had to know the truth of what had happened that morning, she had to know that Charlie knew the truth.

"Don't kid yourself, Erin. Just because your little detective friend wouldn't like it, doesn't mean you get to say you didn't want it."

"I didn't want it. This has nothing to do with him. This is me and you. I came over to talk to you this morning, to try and appeal to a better side of you that I delusionally thought existed and you took advantage of that... of me."

"I never heard you say no."

"But did you hear me say yes? Why did you ignore me when I asked you to stop, when I tried to push you off me? You know what you did, Charlie."

Jay closed his eyes and stooped his head, knowing that there was no way Voight wouldn't understand what that meant. He didn't want to see his reaction but he knew he had to help Erin deal with it. He opened his eyes just in time to see Voight storming out the door.

Olinsky and Dawson were outside, waiting to find out what was going on with the suspect. They stood in front of Voight when they saw how angry he was.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Move out the way, Alvin. Now."

Antonio looked at Voight's clenched fists and had no idea what was going on. He didn't know the connection to Erin, didn't understand why Voight was taking this case so personally.

"No way, man. Not when you're this angry, you'll do something you'll regret."

"There's nothing I'll regret doing to him, not now, not after what he's done."

Jay appeared behind Voight and both Olinsky and Dawson looked at him questioningly.

"Voight, let me get her and we'll go talk about this somewhere. She doesn't want this."

"Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?" Dawson's confusion finally got the better of him.

"He raped her! That son of a bitch raped Lindsay!"

Erin heard them shouting from the other side of the door and buried her head in her hands. This was her worst nightmare coming true.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the little wait in updating but I am just ridiculously busy right now. I have two weeks left of first year at uni, I'm training to be a Mental Health nurse and it's just really full on at the moment. I've got so much work to do, it's unreal and then I have two jobs also... I'm really just exhausted at the moment! I also never really pictured this story going on for more than a couple of chapters but the reviews are spurring me on and giving me ideas. **

**So, here's the next chapter and I hope you all enjoy it. I did my best with it and I hope you all understand Erin's reasonings for things nearer the end of the chapter.**

**Anyway, here you go! **

Everything seemed silent and still for a moment. Antonio didn't know what to say or even what to think. The suspect in their case had raped Lindsay? How? When? Where was she now? What the hell was going on? Jay wanted to go in and see how Erin was doing, knowing that they were close enough to her that she would have heard Voight's outburst. Voight was absolutely livid, fists clenched, determined that he would get to Charlie and give him what he deserved. Olinksy was the first to move. He stepped aside out of Voight's way, signalling that he felt the same as him. He didn't have the same relationship with Erin as Voight did but he'd known her for almost as long and she had a special place in his heart. He wouldn't tolerate her being raped and if that meant that he and Voight had to do something about it then so be it.

Voight burst through the door just as Erin lifted her head. Charlie was looking right at her, a defiant look on his face. He didn't think it was possible that he could rape Erin, she owed him so much that it was only right she do what he wanted.

"Erin, you need to go outside. You don't need to see this."

Voight's voice broke slightly as he spoke and looked at Erin, the girl he saw as his daughter. He wanted to make everything right for her but he didn't know how to do that. What he did know how to do was make people pay for their actions.

Jay spotted a little bit of fear in Charlie's eyes when he saw just how angry Voight was. Good, he thought. He should be scared. He then looked at Erin and he almost didn't recognise her. She just looked so terrified, he'd never seen her like this before. She had a panicked look on her face, like a trapped animal, she didn't know what to do.

"I can't..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, she didn't even really know what she was trying to say. She couldn't deal with this, everyone looking at her, Charlie still on the other side of the table from her. It was too much. She had to get out. She stood up and pushed her way past her colleagues. They were all in shock.

"Jay..."

He walked towards her, glad that she was reaching out to him.

"I need some air. I can't stay here, I just need to go outside and get some air. Please, please don't let him do anything stupid. Please."

He could see the desperation in her eyes. He wanted to go with her, make sure she was ok but he didn't want to leave Charlie with Voight. He wanted to be a part of what would happen to him, he wanted to get some justice for Erin. Before he could answer her, she had taken off down the corridor. Antonio ran after her so Jay went back in the room that Voight and Olinsky were now dragging Charlie out of.

"Where to?"

"The cage." Voight's voice was strong and determined. Charlie Pugliesi was about to get what had been coming his way for 12 years.

**Outside**

Erin sat on the steps that led up to the precinct and tried to catch her breath. It was freezing outside but she liked that, the coldness meant she would go numb, maybe her brain would too and then she wouldn't have to think of anything at all. After a few seconds, Antonio sat down beside her.

"Hey."

He didn't really know what to say but he knew that she shouldn't be left on her own. There must be a million and one things going through her head, he just wanted to help her.

She looked up gingerly, scared to see pity on his face. She hadn't wanted anyone to know about the morning's events, never mind the rest of the unit. It was so important to her that they didn't think she was weak, she was one of them, she was just as strong as them and she could do the job just as well as them.

"You don't have to babysit me, I'm ok."

Antonio breathed in deeply and thought for a second about what to say to her. Rape cases that he had dealt with ran through his head and he remembered thinking how well Erin had dealt with the 16 year old girl who had become a victim of the Riverwalk killers. This wasn't a victim though... this was Erin Lindsay.

"What the hell happened, Lindsay? Is what Voight said true?"

Erin gazed off into the distance and considered her answer. Was it true? She found that she still didn't know. Or maybe she did but just wasn't able to admit it to herself yet.

After a minute or so, she finally spoke, her voice quiet and broken.

"Everything just got out of hand, Antonio. I don't know how it happened... I just wanted to talk to him and then..."

She trailed off, unable to complete what she was about to say. She was embarrassed and ashamed. How had she let this happen?

Antonio put his arm around her and pulled her in closer to him. He had tears in his eyes at the thought of that happening to her.

"Do you know him?"

She nodded, knowing that she might as well explain what she could.

"From years ago, when I was a kid. We had a thing... my parents weren't around and he was all I had for a while. I got into some trouble and Charlie knows about it, he wanted help with the robbery today or else he'd spill about everything... I guess I just got in over my head, Antonio. I don't know how to fix it, I really just don't know what to do."

Erin wanted to cry but she held herself together. It wouldn't help, it would just make her look even weaker in front of Antonio.

Just as Antonio was about to reply, Erin's phone vibrated and distracted them both. She took it out her pocket and groaned slightly when she saw who was calling. Antonio looked at her questioningly.

"Kelly... I can't, I can't answer it. What would I even say?"

"He's a good guy, Erin, you know that. He'll stand by you."

"I don't want anyone to have to _stand by me_. I just want... to stop, I want everything to stop."

Even though she knew in the back of her head that what had happened this morning hadn't been consensual, hadn't been her fault, she still felt guilty when she saw Severide's name flash up on her phone screen. How could she possibly explain any of this to him? They had a good thing going, she enjoyed his company and always looked forward to spending time with him but she had never told him anything about her past, it's just not something that she ever wanted to share with people.

"I can't imagine how you're feeling, Erin, I really can't. But you know we're all here for you, right? You're not on your own."

Erin nodded but she had never felt more alone in all her life. She wanted to go home and just sleep forever but she knew she had to go check on Voight and Charlie. There couldn't be anything good happening between the two of them.

**At the cage**

Voight revelled in the pain he felt when his fist collided with Charlie's face. He knew that if it hurt his hand then it was likely going to hurt Charlie's face much more.

"You're a worthless, disgusting, piece of trash. Is that how you get your kicks? Forcing women to have sex with you?"

Charlie spat blood out of his mouth and looked up at the three men in front of him.

"I didn't force her to do a damn thing. She chose to do it to save her ass, just like always."

This time it was Olinsky's fist that slammed into Charlie's face.

"Is that all you got? Damn even Lindsay could hit harder than that."

Jay kicked him in the side, not wanting to hear him say her name.

"You're disgusting, you know that?"

Voight was gearing up for another punch when he heard footsteps behind him. Erin and Antonio. Erin's eyes widened when she saw the state of Charlie. He was clutching his ribs, his face was covered in blood. Voight took one look at Erin and once again punched Charlie, knocking him to the floor.

"Voight..."

Her voice was small but he heard her.

"Go outside, Erin. Please."

"No, I won't. I don't want you to do this, Hank."

"You're defending him? Again?"

Charlie smirked, hoping Erin was going to get him out of the situation he was in.

"I'm not defending him, I'm defending you, Voight. You can't do this. I won't let you do this for me. I won't let you get in serious trouble on my account, no way."

Jay stepped closer to Erin and placed a gentle hand on her arm.

"Erin, you really should go back outside with Antonio. You don't need to see this. We've got it covered."

"We? You're in on this too?"

Jay nodded, unashamedly.

"He raped you, Erin. He can't get away with that."

Erin closed her eyes and bowed her head at his words. She didn't want him to get away with it, she really didn't, but she couldn't have it on her conscience if Voight, Olinsky and Jay got in trouble for her. She also knew Jay well enough to know that he would regret this tomorrow.

"You can't do this, Jay. You don't want to, you'll regret it. What happened to the Jay who a few weeks ago convinced Voight not to kill Pulpo? What's changed?"

Antonio stepped alongside Erin to show that he was supporting her. He hated Pulpo, despised him for what he had done to his family but he couldn't be the one to sign his death sentence. He understood that Erin felt the same way about Charlie.

"She's right, Jay. Don't compromise yourself for this low life."

"This is different..."

"How? How is it different?" Erin needed him to see that this was the same as the Pulpo situation.

"Erin... what he did to you..."

"That doesn't matter, ok? We don't get to be the ones that decide who lives and who dies. Please, all of you, stop this. I don't want this."

Tears spilled over Erin's eyes as she spoke. She could hardly believe that she was begging for Charlie's life once again. The last time was because she still loved him and maybe she thought they'd be together again one day. He still had that bit of control over her. Now though, that control was gone. She wasn't trying to save him for his sake, she was doing it for the three men that stood in front of her. She didn't want them to have to kill someone for her. It wasn't fair.

Jay saw her tears and took a step back. Could he really do this? Could he really help Voight and Olinsky kill someone, even if it was the man who had raped his partner? He had felt so strongly about stopping Voight from killing Pulpo, Erin was right, this was the same. As he looked over at Olinsky, he could see he was thinking the same thing. Voight, on the other hand, was unconvinced.

"Come on, Voight, she's right, this isn't the way."

Voight clenched and unclenched his fists, unsure of what to do. He couldn't let Charlie get away with it, not when he'd already gotten away with so much all those years ago.

"He needs to pay for what he did to you, Erin."

"He will, we've got stacks of evidence against him for the jewellery robbery, he's going to prison and he knows it. He knows if he says a word about Sandoville that you'll kill him, he's scared of you, always has been."

Charlie grunted to show that he disagreed but deep down he knew Erin was speaking the truth. Voight had always terrified him. It had taken him 12 years to work up the courage to come back to Chicago after Voight had run him out of town. He didn't doubt for a second that he would kill him if Erin gave the ok.

Charlie cowered as Voight stepped towards him and lifted up one of his arms. Voight considered giving Charlie one last punch but he decided against it, out of respect for Erin. He handcuffed Charlie's hand to the cage and closed the door behind him.

Erin let go of a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. Maybe everything would end up alright. If she was able to convince Voight not to kill Charlie then she could convince herself to forget about the day's events. She would have to, she could see no other way out.

Voight stood in front of Erin and put his arms out, motioning for her to walk towards him. He needed to reassure her that he would be there for her and that everything would be ok, he would be there for her. Just as she started moving, however, she started to feel dizzy and her vision blurred.

Before anyone could stop her, she crashed onto the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone! Apologies again for keeping you waiting for an update but everything is so hectic right now, I've really not had the time. I have less than one week left of first year at uni and the amount of work is just ridiculous, I'm counting down the days! Thanks for everyone who wished me well in my studies and my jobs, I really appreciate it, it was very kind of you! I'm getting there, slowly but surely! I also live in Glasgow which is holding the Commonwealth Games at the moment so I've been to quite a few events, that's taken up some writing time. **

**Anyway, here is the next chapter. I kind of just want to point out that I'm not much of a planner so the chapters just kind of go where they flow when I'm writing, if that makes sense? So I hope you like the direction that it's heading in and hopefully I'll get the chance to update again soon. **

**Thanks again for all the reviews, favourites and follows!**

Her eyes flickered open and for a split second, she didn't know where she was or what had happened. Her vision was still slightly blurry and it took a few blinks of her eyes to straighten it out. Above her, Voight, Jay, Antonio and Olinsky were looking down at her and they all breathed a sigh of relief when she looked back.

"I told you she was just overwhelmed, she's ok."

"She needs to go to the hospital."

Erin's head was spinning once again. She was overwhelmed, Antonio was right. Everything seemed to be happening at once and she couldn't make sense of anything.

"Are you ok, Erin?"

She looked up at Jay and nodded her head gently then slowly raised one of her arms, signalling that she wanted him to help her up. As she did so, her sleeve fell down, revealing the marks left by Charlie earlier that day.

"Oh my god!"

Erin followed Voight's gaze to her wrist and closed her eyes in shame. She didn't even have the energy to try and pull her sleeve back down, she was just drained. Physically and emotionally drained. Jay helped her up with the help of Antonio and Olinsky, none of them noticing that Voight had made his way towards Charlie once again.

"You sick son of a bitch! Look what you've done to her!"

Olinsky ran in front of Voight just in time to stop him from colliding with Charlie.

"Hey, hey! Stop! She doesn't want this, look at her!"

Erin was shaking, only able to stand up because she was being supported by Jay and Antonio. She felt like her legs were going to give way from under her at any moment. It was as if the power that she'd convinced herself she'd had all day had now just deserted her and she had nothing left.

"I need to get away from him. Now."

Antonio and Jay quickly escorted Erin out of the room, both of them unsure if the 'him' she was talking about was Charlie or Voight. Most likely both.

**Upstairs**

As Jay, Erin and Antonio entered their usual working space, they were greeted by Ruzek and Atwater. They immediately both turned their attentions to Erin, neither of them used to seeing her in such a state. She was chalk white, being supported by her colleagues and just looked altogether dreadful.

"You ok, Lindsay?"

Erin looked up but she couldn't bring herself to make eye contact. She didn't need to see the pity in their eyes, she didn't think she could handle that.

"Ruzek, take Atwater downstairs to the cage. Voight and Olinsky are there with the suspect, you need to help Olinsky control what's going on down there. You need to get Pugliesi to co-operate, there's a hell of a lot riding on it."

"What's going on, man?"

Atwater felt out of his depth.

"Kevin, please... just do this."

Atwater knew that the situation must be serious if Jay was using his first name. He took one last glimpse at Erin and then walked down the stairs with Ruzek.

"They're gonna find out."

Erin's voice was small but since there was no one else in the room, Antonio and Jay heard what she said and they both understood straight away.

"They're your team, Lindsay. We all are. We've all got your back."

Jay passed her a glass of water that he had just retrieved from the break room.

"Here, drink this. You need to try and calm yourself down, we don't need you fainting on us again."

She nodded and put out her hand to take the glass. Jay noticed that her hands were still shaking when she nearly spilled the water on the floor. He motioned to help her with it but she gave him a look which said she could manage by herself.

"When's the last time you ate something, Lindsay? You look white as a sheet."

She shrugged, not really paying too much attention. If truth be told, she hadn't really eaten properly since Charlie had shown back up in town. She'd had too much to deal with and her appetite had just left her.

"Maybe Voight's right, maybe you should go to the hospital. Get checked over, you know?"

Erin shook her head violently, absolutely refusing.

"I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't need to. I need to go home, get a drink and go to sleep. I'm so tired, I can barely function."

**Downstairs**

Ruzek and Atwater arrived at the cage just in time to see Olinsky pushing Voight away from Charlie.

"Don't you think I want to kill him too, Voight? Lindsay's one of us, she's part of the team. I watched her grow up into the young woman she is now, just like you did. It sickens me to think about this asshole with his hands all over her but we have to respect her wishes, Hank! You know she doesn't want this!"

Charlie was suspiciously quiet in the background. He didn't want to say anything more to rile Voight up because he really did believe that the man would kill him. He knew he'd had a lucky escape 12 years ago, he didn't know if he would be able to have a second one.

"What the hell is going on down here, Alvin? And what's going on with Lindsay? She looks like death."

"Is she ok?"

The mention of Erin grabbed Voight's attention away from Charlie.

"I don't know, you tell me! She's upstairs shaking, barely able to stand, looking like she just saw a ghost... and you two are down here fighting over some guy that she was with this morning, I don't get it."

Olinsky ignored Ruzek and turned to face Voight once more.

"She needs you, Hank. She needs you upstairs with her not downstairs with the guy who did this to her. Go and make sure she's ok, Ruzek, Atwater and I will handle things here."

There was a voice in Voight's head screaming at him just to take his gun off his belt and shoot Charlie in the head. That would solve their problem. But then he thought of Erin. Him killing Charlie wouldn't take away what had been done to her, it wouldn't change anything. It would probably only cause her more problems because she'd have to deal with so much more. He looked up at Olinksy and knew that his oldest friend was right.

"Ok, I'm going to talk to her."

He turned his attention back over to Charlie.

"You... you disgusting, piece of trash... if you know what's good for you, you'll co-operate in this case because you'll have me to deal with if you don't. And please don't think for a second that I won't hesitate to finish you. I'd have done so already if it wasn't for Erin."

**Upstairs**

Erin was sitting down, trying to convince Jay and Antonio that she was ok and they should just let her go home. Neither of them were going to let that happen, not least because they knew they'd be next on Voight's hit list if they did.

"Honestly, guys, I'm fine. I appreciate the sympathy but I don't need it, I'm ok."

"You're not ok, Erin, you just fainted."

She looked up, surprised to see Voight standing next to Jay and Antonio. He didn't have blood on him, didn't look like he'd been fighting.

"What happened with Charlie? What did you do?"

"Nothing, he's downstairs now giving his statement to Olinsky, Ruzek and Atwater. Don't worry, he knows what he has to do."

Erin's breathing steadied a little for the first time in hours. Maybe there would be an end to this after all.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For doing what I asked. For not killing Charlie."

"It wasn't easy."

"I know, I'm sorry..."

She felt as though she might cry again so she stopped before she said anything else. She had to get a grip of herself, she couldn't keep crying in front of the unit.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Erin... but you do need to go to the hospital."

Again she shook her head. The hospital was the last place that she wanted to go.

"Voight's right, Erin... and you know I don't say that often!"

Antonio laughed as he spoke and he even managed to get a little smile out of Erin.

"I really appreciate what you guys are trying to do for me here but I just want to go home, ok? Please."

Jay looked at her and saw how desperate she was. He knew she was barely holding it together and that she just wanted to go home so that she could let everything out. He almost wanted to let her but he knew that she'd be better off getting checked out.

Voight moved closer and sat next to Erin. He didn't really want to have this conversation with her but he knew it was necessary.

"Did he use protection?"

All three of them looked at Voight in shock that he'd actually just asked that. Erin wanted the ground to swallow her up.

"I'm not talking about this, not with you, not with anyone."

Her voice was breaking and that gave them all their answer really.

"You know it's important, Erin. You've worked these cases before."

"I'm not a case, ok? Stop treating me like a damn victim!"

Anger was rising inside of her now, partly at Voight for the way he was acting with her but also because he knew he'd asked her a valid question and she hated that the answer was no, he hadn't used protection. She hadn't even thought about it until now.

"I'm treating you like my daughter, like the girl that I've brought up for 12 years, like the girl that I don't want to see hurt."

Jay could see tears in Voight's eyes and he didn't know what to do with himself. The team never got to see Voight emotional, it just didn't happen. Anger, yes... but tears, emotion? No way. Not from Voight.

"I'm on birth control, ok? I'm not going to get pregnant if that's what you're worried about so can we just drop this please?"

"You know it's not that simple, Erin. It's not all about pregnancy, there are infections-"

"Stop! I can't, I can't do this. I don't want to. Please just drop it, Voight, please."

A tear was making it way down Erin's face and she had never felt so weak in all her life. She knew that Voight was right but she was just scared, terrified that going to the hospital would make it all real and then she'd be forced to deal with it.

Unconsciously, Jay sat on the other side of Erin and pulled her into him, allowing her to cry into his chest. He stroked her hair gently and tried his best to comfort her.

"Erin, I know this is hard but you know that Voight's only looking out for you, we all are. I'm sorry that you're being made to do so many things that you don't want to do today but we'll all be there for you this time. We'll come to the hospital and we won't leave your side but you have to do this. For your own sake, Erin, you have to do this."

Silence fell over the room as Erin tried to keep herself together. After a few seconds, she pulled her face away from Jay's shirt and looked up at him. Her heart fluttered for the smallest of seconds and then the fear pushed it's way back in. It wasn't alone this time though, it was accompanied by a new found resolve. She could do this. If they were there for her, she could do this.

"Ok, I'll do it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again everyone! Here's the next chapter of the story. I hope no one is disappointed with the way it goes, I just had to write it as I saw fit. I also hope it's not too disturbing for anyone, it was quite difficult to write so parts of it may be quite difficult to read.**

**Thanks again for all the reviews etc, I love reading them and they give me a little bit more confidence each time I do!**

The walls were green. She hated green. The walls in her bedroom when she lived with her parents were green and she'd spent too long in that room, staring at the walls and trying to block out the screaming and shouting. They weren't even a fresh, bright green. They were dull and murky, perhaps appropriately so, she thought. Her head felt dull and murky at this moment in time. She was in the hospital and the walls in her room were green. She was in a part of the hospital that she'd visited a few times before during cases but the familiarity wasn't helping her at all. She wasn't there as a detective now, she was there as a victim. A victim of rape. That's what she was. It didn't sit right in her head, she couldn't think of that word and see herself but deep down, she knew it was true. She knew what was going to happen here, she'd even stayed in the room during a rape kit exam with a victim once when the young girl had asked her stay, terrified of being on her own. In a way she could prepare herself but how do you prepare yourself for something like that? She'd chosen to go it alone, to have Voight and Halstead remain outside. She didn't need for them to see what was about to happen here or hear the answers to the questions that she was no doubt going to be asked. She couldn't take any more humiliation for one day.

**Outside**

Voight was pacing the hallway, glancing at the room Erin was in every few seconds. He couldn't believe everything that had happened in such a short space of time. If only he'd tackled Charlie when he first learned he'd come back to town rather than leaving Erin to deal with it on her own, maybe this would never have happened. Maybe she wouldn't be in that room about to go through hell. He, like Erin, knew what was about to happen. He'd worked on many rape cases in his years as a detective but he really wished he hadn't done in that moment. All sorts of images of Erin and Charlie were cruelly playing in his head and making him feel sick. He should have been there for her, he should have done more.

Jay's eyes followed Voight as he walked up and down the corridor. He almost wanted to get up and pace with him but he didn't really have the energy. Sitting here was doing him no good though. Part of him wished that he'd stayed back at the station with the rest of the unit so that they could work out their plan of action against Radnor and Pugliesi. He knew though that there's nowhere he would rather be than with Erin at the moment. She would probably never admit that she needed them there for support but Jay knew that she wasn't as tough as she liked to make out. No one should have to go through something like this on their own and he fully intended to make sure that she didn't.

**Inside the hospital room**

The doctor passed Erin a gown.

"I'm going to need you to take off your clothes and I'll get bags for us to gather them in."

"That's not necessary. The bags, I mean. They're for police, right? For evidence? It's not necessary."

The doctor looked at Erin, confused.

"I'm not reporting it. I'm not doing this to gather evidence, I just want to be checked over and given whatever kind of medication I need to make sure that I don't catch anything. That's all I want."

"A lot of women in your position think that way at first, Miss Lindsay, and then later change their minds. It would be a shame not to have the evidence if that's what happened."

"It won't. Trust me on that. I'm not reporting this, ok? I just need to get this over with as quick as possible."

"No one's going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do here, Miss Lindsay-"

"Erin, please."

"Erin, ok. As I said, no one is going to make you do this if you don't want to but I'm just urging you to think about it, please."

"It's too complicated, I can't. I'm police, I'm a detective, I understand what's involved in reporting something like this and it's just not something I can do. I know that makes me a hypocrite but I just can't do it..."

Erin trailed off as she felt her emotions build up closer to the surface. She knew that she couldn't report it because then everything would be looked into; why she was at Charlie's house, alone, the robbery, her past... she wouldn't come out of it looking good and if everything went to plan back at the station, Charlie was going to prison anyway.

The doctor stepped closer to Erin and put a caring hand on her shoulder.

"You're not a hypocrite, Erin. It is absolutely your choice what you do here today and if you don't want to report it then that's ok. We'll still check you over and we'll still help you. I understand that you fainted earlier on this evening too?"

Erin smiled at the doctor and finally allowed herself to relax a little. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

**Outside**

"What the hell is taking so long in there?"

Voight had finally stopped pacing and was not sat down next to Halstead.

"I'm sure they're just being thorough. We both know what goes on in these things."

"But this is Erin... I should be in there with her."

Usually Voight did whatever he could to hide his feelings from the rest of the team, he was much like Erin in that respect, he never wanted to appear weak. Now, however, he didn't care what he let show.

"I know, ok? Trust me, I know but you're too close to her, Voight. You're practically her father, of course she's not going to want you in there with her."

Voight's head snapped over to Jay's direction.

"What the hell would you know about my relationship with Erin?"

Jay hadn't even really realised what he'd said. He was just trying to comfort Voight. He considered lying to him and making out like he didn't know anything but it had been a long day and that required more effort than he could find.

"She's told me a bit about it. Not a lot but enough. I know you took her in when she was 16."

"Why would she have told you that? Is there something going on between the two of you? I thought I made my feelings on that perfectly clear."

"Oh don't worry, you did. There's nothing going on. I just... I found her CI file, ok?"

Voight closed his eyes and scolded himself internally. He should have gotten rid of that. He'd thought he'd tied up all the loose ends all those years ago, obviously not.

Silence fell between the two men as they both contemplated what was on that file. Jay had thought about it so many times since he'd first seen it and had almost asked Erin about what was written on it on more than one occasion. Something always held him back though. He didn't want to force her into telling him about her past, he wanted it to be her choice.

**Inside**

The doctor felt extremely sorry for the Erin. They were of similar age and it scared her to think that it could just as easily have been her sitting in that bed, feeling exposed in a hospital gown.

"Just because you're not reporting it doesn't mean that you can't talk about it. You can tell me what happened, if you want to. Anything you say in here will stay in this room, I can promise you that."

"I don't know what happened."

"Do you think you were drugged?"

Erin shook her head, knowing that the doctor had misunderstood her.

"No. I wasn't drugged... I just... I don't know what happened. I didn't expect him to do what he did but I should have been more prepared, I don't know."

"You know this man?"

She nodded her head, unsure of why she was even engaging in conversation with the doctor but she felt she was basically just thinking aloud, attempting to get her head in order.

"I know him from a long time ago. I just don't understand how everything got so bad so quickly, I should have done more to stop him, I'm a police officer for goodness sake!"

"You mustn't blame yourself, Erin. This could happen to anyone."

Erin nodded silently but it didn't make her feel any better. She couldn't help feeling that she'd let herself down. She should have been able to defend herself, that's what all her training was for but something had paralysed her and she hadn't been able to do a thing.

"I'm going to start the exam now but please don't hesitate to stop me at any point if you feel uncomfortable or you've just had enough, ok?"

Again, Erin nodded. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. This wasn't how her day was supposed to have gone.

**Outside**

"She was really angry, you know."

Jay looked up at Voight, confused by what he'd just said. They hadn't spoken to each other in a while, both of them lost in thought.

"What?"

"I figure you must have told her about our little conversation regarding the two of you because she came to my office and gave me what for... she was angry."

Jay smiled slightly, enjoying the image of Erin shouting at Voight. Not many people got away with that.

"She doesn't like being told what to do."

"You can say that again! She just about took my door off the hinges on the way out. She was really pissed off."

"Yeah, she's got a bit of a temper on her, huh?"

"I think we both know it's more than that."

Jay again looked at Voight. Was he really confirming to him that Erin had some sort of feelings towards him?

"Maybe. I suppose we'll never know seeing as how you vetoed it."

"In-house romances get messy, Halstead. She's been hurt too many times for me to risk that happening to her again."

"I would never hurt her. If you don't know that, then you don't know me at all. But hey, she's with Severide now so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

"Does he know anything about what's happened today?"

"I doubt it. I don't really know how close they are though. We don't really talk about it."

Voight was silent for a few moments, contemplating what he was about to say.

"She won't talk to you about Severide because she likes you. She'd kill me for telling you that but it's true, I think you know that anyway. There's a connection between the two of you, you'd have to be blind not to see it. It's why you make good partners."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"I never thought I'd be sat outside a hospital room door waiting on Erin having a rape exam but here I am. And here you are, sitting waiting with me. That counts for something."

The two men locked eyes and there was a moment of understanding between them. Erin was their main priority, they were both in agreement about that.

"I care an awful lot about her. I'll do whatever it takes to get her though this."

"I know you will. You're a good man, I've never doubted that. I know we've not always seen eye to eye on everything but I've always trusted you as a police officer. I wouldn't have partnered you with Erin if I didn't. If she's told you a bit about her past then you know how much she means to me, I wouldn't have put her with you if I didn't think you'd have her back."

Before Jay could reply, the door to Erin's room opened. There she stood, looking like death, tear stains down her cheeks, shaking hands. Without thinking, he leapt up and put his arm around her. Voight mirrored his actions and stood at the other side of her.

"You ok?"

"It's done now. I just want to go home."

Voight glanced over at the doctor who was standing behind Erin.

"She's ok to go home. She was dehydrated so she needs to get plenty of fluids into her but she's not doing too badly. A few bruises but nothing that would make us keep her in overnight."

He nodded his appreciation and turned his attentions back to Erin.

"Come on, let's get you home kid."

Erin turned around to look at the doctor.

"Thank you, really... I appreciate everything that you've done for me."

"No problem. Just take care of yourself, ok? And remember what I said. This wasn't your fault."

She looked away and tried desperately to make herself believe that it hadn't been her fault.

"You're coming back with me, ok? You've still got some stuff there and I don't want you to be on your own tonight."

Usually Erin would have refused Voight's offer but she just didn't have the energy. The examination had taken the last piece of energy she'd had. She felt sick and dirty, all she wanted was a shower and to sleep. It didn't matter to her where she did that.

Jay squeezed her arm lightly in an attempt to get her attention.

"I'll come back with you for a bit, if that's ok?"

He looked up at Voight as he finished his sentence.

"It's getting late. Just stay the night, you can have Justin's room... as long as that's what you want, Erin?"

She looked up at Jay and she immediately felt a little bit of calmness spread through her. She felt better if Jay was at her side, maybe it was habit because they were partners but something about him made her feel better.

"Yeah. That's fine with me. Let's just go, I'm really tired."

She took another look at Jay and mouthed a silent 'thank you' at him. She knew she would never have asked him to stay so she was grateful that he had volunteered.

The three of them walked towards the hospital exit, lost in their own thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey! So here's another chapter. Thanks for the reviews etc on the previous chapter, I really appreciate them. It's just occurred to me that we're on chapter ten here and it's all taken place on the same day. I hope the pace isn't too slow for anyone. **

**Someone asked if Severide will find out... it is my plan, I just haven't quite worked out where to fit it in yet. I haven't forgotten about him though, I promise!**

**Ok so I'm slightly worried about this chapter, it gets a little bit graphic although I tried to keep that down to a minimum. I just want to say that if anyone has had any bad experiences themselves then just please be careful when reading this chapter, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. I do have experience of rape myself and so for that reason, I wanted to try and keep Erin's reaction as true as possible. Obviously everyone reacts differently but I can only go on what I know.**

**Anyway, sorry for the rambling... enjoy!**

The car ride home had been silent. None of them knew what to say to each other so they chose to say nothing at all. Voight had driven and Erin sat in front with him leaving Jay in the back wondering if he was just a spare part and if she actually wanted him to be there. He would hate to think that he was intruding but he just couldn't bear the thought of leaving her.

As they entered Voight's home, Jay couldn't help but look around. He didn't really know what to expect but he wanted to take every opportunity he could to try and get to know Voight a little more. He was surprised to see photos all over the wall in the hallway. Photos of Erin and Justin and a woman that he didn't recognise, he assumed it must be Voight's later wife. He didn't take Voight for much of a photograph man, he figured it must have been either Erin or the wife's influence.

Erin also looked around her as she walked into her former home. It hadn't been too long since she'd been there, she visited as often as she could, but everything felt different now. She didn't feel safe anymore. Voight's home had always been a safe haven for her since she was 14 and even more so when she started living there a couple of years later. Now though, nothing felt safe. It all just felt pointless.

"What do you need, Erin?"

She didn't even hear Voight talking to her. Her mind was drifting, jumping back and forth between different points of the day. Charlie. His sofa. The doctor saying it wasn't her fault. Jay. The look on his face when he saw her standing there holding her clothes. Charlie. The silent tears she cried during the examination at the hospital. Voight. His fist colliding with Charlie's face. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie.

"Erin?"

This time he tapped her shoulder gently as he spoke, not expecting her to jump the way she did as she responded.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you... I'm sorry."

"You didn't, I'm fine."

Voight didn't believe her but didn't have it in him to question her. He knew she didn't want to appear weak and that was fine with him, he would do whatever it took to make her feel most comfortable.

"Do you need anything?"

"I just need to take a shower and get out of these clothes."

Both Jay and Voight winced slightly at her words, only now just realising that she was still in the same clothes she would have been wearing when Charlie attacked her. Neither of them had thought to stop off for a change of clothes before going to the hospital.

"I'll go get you some clothes to change into."

"No, it's ok. I can do it."

With that, she walked past them both and towards her old bedroom, leaving them unsure of what to do with themselves.

"Do you think she's in shock?"

Jay whispered slightly, not wanting Erin to hear them talking about her.

"I don't know." Voight shrugged. "I think she's just trying to process everything and she's exhausted on top of that."

Jay nodded, still none the wiser.

After a few moments, Erin reappeared holding a change of clothes. She looked at both men, feeling slightly awkward that they had both just been waiting outside the door for her. She wished she could say something to stop them from worrying but she didn't know what that was.

"I'm going to go in the shower now, I'll try not be too long."

"Don't worry about it. You know where the towels are."

She nodded and turned to walk away but before she had fully turned her back, she came back around to face them both again.

"Thank you. Both of you. I know this isn't easy, I know I'm not exactly... I dunno what I'm trying to say really but just... thank you."

Voight held her gaze for a few seconds and then had to turn away because he didn't want her to see him cry. It wasn't fair of him to cry when she was being so strong. Jay carried on looking at her as her eyes shifted towards him. He felt the same spark that he always felt when he looked at her but this time it was accompanied by something different. It was an overwhelming feeling of love. All he wanted to do was protect her. After what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only a few seconds, he spoke.

"Leave the door unlocked."

"What?"

"You fainted earlier, Erin... if it happens again, we need to be able to get to you. We won't come in for any other reason, promise."

Again she nodded towards him and then finally turned her back and shut the bathroom door behind her.

**10 Minutes Later**

Voight and Jay were sat in the lounge, each holding a glass of whiskey that Voight had poured for them. He'd considered coffee at first but then decided that only hard liquor would suffice on a night like this.

"What do we do?"

Jay hoped that Voight would have the answer because he had never felt more out of his depth in his life.

"Honestly? I don't know, Halstead. She'll put on a brave face but I don't know how long that'll last for. There's only so much she can take. Georgia would know what to do."

He said the last sentence more to himself than Jay but still voiced the words.

"Georgia?"

"My wife. Late wife. She and Erin were very close."

Jay was silent, almost in a bit of disbelief that he was having a personal conversation like this with Voight. He could never have imagined this even a few weeks ago.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Voight raised his glass and motioned for Jay to do the same.

"To Georgia."

"To Georgia."

**In the bathroom**

Erin felt a momentary relief as the water bounced off her skin for the first time. She felt like she hadn't washed in years despite the fact that it had only been earlier this morning before she left when she last took a shower. She followed the drops of water down with her eyes as they jumped from her face to her chest, her stomach and her arms. Her wrists. The marks were definitely turning into bruises.

"_Please Charlie, don't do this."_

_He grabbed both her wrists and forced them together, shoving them above her head. She tried to struggle against his grip but it only seemed to make it tighter._

She shuddered as the memory filled her head. She could still feel his hands around her wrists, still see the menacing look on his face as he overpowered her completely.

The water moved down to her legs and she could see some more small marks on her thighs which the doctor had discovered at the hospital.

"_We can work something else out. Please!"_

_He used his remaining free hand to force apart her legs and kept them in position with his knees. _

She grabbed the soap from the shelf and started rubbing it furiously all over her body. She knew it was futile but she had to at least attempt to get the feeling of him off her.

**In the living room**

Jay was looking at yet another picture. Erin looked really young in it, he imagined it must have been taken not long after she had come to live with the Voights.

"I bet she was a handful back then." He laughed slightly as he spoke, imagining Erin getting into all sorts of trouble and Voight chasing after her.

"You can't even imagine! She liked to keep me on my toes, let's put it that way."

Jay sat back down across from Voight and took another sip of the whiskey.

"She thinks the world of you, Voight, you know that, right?"

"She deserves better. Always has done."

"I know I don't know all the ins and outs but it's clear to see that you've done a lot for her, Voight."

"Not enough. I know Charlie. I know his type. I knew he was back in town and I just left Erin to deal with it on her own. She deserved better than that."

"You weren't to know what he would do."

Both men were silent again for a few moments.

"It's our job to get her through this, Halstead. I need you on this. She needs you."

"She's got me."

"Her life before she came here, people constantly mistreated or neglected her. That's not happening here."

"We won't let that happen."

Voight's phone ringing interrupted their conversation.

"Please tell me you've got good news."

Jay's ears pricked up, knowing that it must be someone back at the station.

"Ok so do we know where he is?... Alright, I'm coming. She's... I dunno, Antonio, she's doing the best she can."

Voight hung up the phone and looked across at Jay.

"Pugliesi gave up Radnor. They've got an idea of where he might be. They're heading out to try and bring him in."

"Go. I'll stay with her. Don't worry."

Voight hesitated for a moment but he knew that he had to go and do his job. It was vital for Erin that they bring Radnor in so he personally wanted to make sure that that happened.

"You call me if she needs me, ok?"

"Of course."

**In the bathroom**

Her skin was turning red but she felt no better. He was still there, clinging to her, suffocating her. She didn't know how long she had been in there but she knew it was a while and she was starting to feel a little bit dizzy. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself. As she moved, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and was momentarily frozen to the spot. She didn't recognise herself. The look on her face, the pain, the hurt, it was all right there and suddenly it was all just too much. Everything was overwhelming her and she slid down the bathroom door, finally allowing the tears to fall as she sat on the floor.

_He pulled down her jeans and underwear and something came over her, something paralysed her and she felt that she could no longer move. He was on top of her, the weight was killing her and making it hard to breathe but she couldn't get him off. _

"_Stop. Please Charlie, just stop."_

_Her voice was so small that she was almost embarrassed to hear it. He brought his face down closer to hers and smiled as he kissed her._

"_There's no point pretending that you don't want this, Lindsay. It's happening."_

_She felt him enter her and the last tiny bit of resolve she had left her. She was stuck, frozen on the sofa and he was going to do whatever he wanted. She knew that now. There was no stopping him._

"Erin! Erin, answer me! Open the door!"

He had been pounding on the door for a minute or so now, ever since he'd heard her fall backwards against it. He could hear her crying so at least he knew she was conscious but he needed to get in there and see if she was ok.

"Please Erin, let me help you."

He pounded on the door again and it pulled her out of her flashback. She moved forward slightly and let him push the door open. He looked at her for just a split second and then he was on the floor next to her, pulling her into his arms. For a moment, she didn't know what to do with herself. She was embarrassed, humiliated that he was seeing her in such a state but she was too far gone by this point. She couldn't pull herself together any longer. Once again, she let everything out and sobbed into his chest.

"I tried, I tried to stop him, I really did but I..."

"Shhhh, it's ok, it's alright. You're safe now, I promise you."

"It's my fault, it's all my fault. I should have tried harder."

"He did this, Erin, not you."

Jay had never seen her more vulnerable and exposed. Not just because she was only wearing a towel but also due to the tears, the doubting of herself. He was used to Erin being a tower of strength but now that tower had well and truly collapsed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"You've nothing to be sorry for, please believe that."

As he listened to her crying, a small tear snaked it's way down his cheek. He hated to see her so hurt, so scared. He didn't know what it would take but he knew he would do whatever it did to make this ok for her again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello! Sorry for the little delay in updating, I've just been really busy with work. Hope everyone is well. Just a little warning, there's not a lot that goes on in this chapter, it's a lot more dialogue than action really but I felt it was kind of needed. I do have ideas for the next few chapters and will get working on them as soon as I have a minute.**

**Once again, thanks for the reviews etc, I love reading them and they also give me little ideas along the way too.**

Jay sat with her for a few minutes until her crying subsided and she appeared to calm down slightly. He looked down at her and noticed just how exhausted she seemed.

"You should try and get some sleep."

Erin nodded back at him, feeling as if even speaking would require too much energy at this point. Jay helped her up, being careful to keep her towel in place, and handed her the clothes which she was to change into that had been laying on the floor alongside them.

Their eyes met as he passed them to her and she tried her best to convey her gratitude, words and effort failing her at that moment. He nodded at her to show that he understood and then she left the bathroom and walked down the hall. For a moment, he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt so strange in Voight's home without Voight himself being there. Then he, like Erin earlier, caught sight of himself in the mirror. The day had clearly taken it's toll on him too. He was also exhausted so decided that going to bed was the best thing. Hopefully, things would look a little better in the morning.

**District 21**

Burgess was full of energy and excitement. They had just brought in their suspect and she had played a big part in capturing him. She really felt part of the team and wanted to go out and celebrate with them all.

"Molly's, anyone?"

Antonio looked at her awkwardly. She didn't know.

"Not tonight, Burgess."

"Aw come on! We got the bad guy! That's cause for celebration, surely?"

At that moment, Voight entered the room and glared in Burgess' direction.

"No celebrations tonight. Everyone go home."

He then walked towards his office and shut the door loudly and firmly behind him.

"What's up his ass? I thought he'd be happy!"

"Another time, Kim."

Burgess looked around them all, confused. They all looked deflated and tired. Sure, it had been a long night but they had got the result that they wanted. She didn't understand why they were all so subdued.

"Seriously, is someone going to tell me what's going on around here? Or do I not warrant that information since I'm not officially part of the team?"

Ruzek glanced in her direction, full of sympathy.

"You're not the only one that's in the dark, Burgess."

Antonio sighed, knowing that it was probably best just to explain what had gone on, the little that he knew anyway. He walked closer to Burgess, Ruzek and Atwater so that Voight hopefully wouldn't hear the conversation.

"Look, Burgess, we brought you in today because we needed manpower... something happened earlier and it means that Lindsay is out of action for a bit. Halstead is with her now."

"What do you mean 'with her'?"

"She... she was attacked earlier today."

Ruzek's eyes widened in shock. Attacked? He thought she'd just fainted.

"What? What are you talking about, Dawson?"

"Is she in the hospital?"

"No... she..."

He found himself at a loss for words. He knew what had happened to her, knew the word but just couldn't bring himself to say it. His silence led the three officers to figure out what he meant.

"No way... when? How? You can't be serious?"

"I don't know too much, I just know that she knew the first suspect in the case, the guy we picked up at the jewellery store earlier and things got out of hand this morning when she was alone with him, that's all I know."

Ruzek felt sick. He'd been there. He'd seen her. He couldn't believe it. None of the three of them could. Burgess' good mood had instantly gone.

"That information doesn't leave this room, got it?"

They all nodded, their moods now matching their colleagues.

**Voight's House**

It had only been a couple of hours but Erin found herself awake again. She'd had a fitful sleep, filled with flashes of memories and weird dreams that her mind had no doubt created to torture her. She knew she should probably try and get back to sleep but she didn't want to, she didn't want to see that again. Besides that, she had a pounding headache and wanted some painkillers so she grabbed her phone, got up out of bed and walked as quietly as she could down the hallway and into the kitchen. She found a box of painkillers and poured herself a glass of water then walked into the living room holding both. As she sat down, she looked around her and just allowed her mind to drift, wondering how the hell she had got to this moment. Due to her daydreaming, she didn't notice Jay walk into the room. He hadn't been in a deep enough sleep not to be woken by her walking down the hall.

"Hey, you ok?"

She looked up, slightly startled.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"I wasn't really sleeping. You mind if I sit?"

She motioned for him to take a seat, hating the fact that he felt as if he had to ask. They were partners, friends, this shouldn't be awkward.

"You in pain?"

Erin looked at him, confused.

"The painkillers."

"Oh. Just a bit of a headache."

They were silent for a few moments but it wasn't a comfortable silence. Tension filled the air.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

Erin looked to the ground as she spoke, not wanting to see pity in her partner's eyes.

"It's fine. Really. You feeling any better?"

He wanted to kick himself as soon as the words came out of his mouth. Of course she wouldn't be feeling better, it hadn't even been 24 hours since she had been raped.

Erin didn't answer him, choosing just to raise her head and look at him. Once again, silence filled the room. Eventually, Erin spoke.

"It's times like these I wish I was still using."

Jay didn't know what he had expected her to say but it certainly hadn't been that.

"Erin, you can't mean that."

"I do. I'm not going to do it... I'm just saying, it would help."

"It wouldn't. You and I both know that."

She looked at him for a moment, considering what he had just said.

"Ok, maybe it wouldn't in the long term but for a little while... everything would go away. Why would I not want that?"

"Because after that little while is up, your problems are still there, just as big and bad as before."

He could hardly believe he was having this conversation with her. She'd never admitted to him before that she'd ever done drugs but he'd suspected it after seeing her CI file and the way she reacted to certain cases.

"Maybe you're right but still... it was better then. I could handle things better."

Jay's mind flashed back to earlier in the day when Erin had told him that Charlie hadn't changed, that he'd always been rough... he didn't like the thoughts that were forming in his head but he felt that if he didn't ask her now, he never would.

"Can I ask you something?"

Erin nodded, internally bracing herself for what was about to come.

"You and Charlie... when you were younger... did he ever do something like this before?"

As much as he wanted to look away from the pain and hurt in her face, he kept eye contact with her hoping that it would spur her into telling the truth. She closed her eyes, contemplating what to say.

"I don't know."

She spoke softly and eventually opened her eyes, meeting hers once more with Jay's.

"Everything was crazy back then, you don't understand. I don't see things now the way I did then."

"What does that mean?"

She sighed. She should have known she wouldn't be able to fob Jay off, he knew her too well for that.

"It means... nothing like today ever happened, he never had to hold me down and force me to do anything but... what he said usually went and if he wanted something, wanted sex then... then he'd usually get it."

"Whether you wanted to or not?"

For a moment, Erin considered defending Charlie. It was her default mechanism when it came to him but now, things were different. She could see that his actions weren't defendable.

"I guess so."

"Erin..."

"Look, I don't want sympathy or pity, I don't need it. I chose to be with him back then. I chose to stay with him. Whatever went on, I chose to be a part of it. It was all my choice."

"You were a kid, Erin! What would you say if a 16 year old girl came into the station and told you that story, huh?"

"You sound like Voight."

Jay rubbed his eyes, tiredness setting in once more. He wanted to give her a shake, to make her realise that everything about Charlie was wrong, everything he'd done to her back then and that day had been his choice, not hers and that she hadn't deserved any of it. He couldn't believe that he was having to convince Erin Lindsay of this.

"Where is Voight? Earlier... in the bathroom, he wasn't there."

"No, he went back to the station. They had a lead on Radnor."

Jay took his phone out of his pocket and saw a text message from Voight. _We got him._ That's all it said. He turned the screen in Erin's direction so that she could see it. She let go of a breath that she didn't even know she'd been holding. At least that part was over. She grabbed her own phone, hoping maybe that Voight had messaged her too. She would probably never admit it to his face but she needed him right now. She had four messages. One from Voight, one from Antonio and two from Kelly.

_We got Radnor. I'll be home soon. _Voight.

_Hope you're doing ok, Lindsay. Everyone sends their love._ Antonio.

_Hey, you still working?_ Kelly.

_I hope your day hasn't been too rough, call me when you finish. Miss you._ Kelly.

The last message caused her eyes to tear up slightly. Had her day been rough? What a question. Jay noticed the change in her and gently touched her arm.

"You ok?"

She passed him the phone, showing him the last message from Severide.

"You gonna tell him?"

Erin shrugged because she genuinely didn't know the answer.

"I don't know. I don't know if he'd handle it... his sister... she was raped. He beat himself up over it for the longest time, I don't want him to do that again. I don't want anyone to do that."

She looked pointedly at him as she spoke the last sentence. He looked back at her and understood what she was trying to say.

"If I'd gotten to his a bit earlier this morning-"

"Stop. Don't."

"Erin, I could have stopped him. If we hadn't stopped off for food on the way here, we'd have been at Charlie's earlier and maybe it would never have happened."

"This isn't on you, Halstead."

"The other week when we saw him at the station, I knew you weren't comfortable with him, I could see it in the expression on your face but I still left you there with him, I still walked away."

"You walked away because I told you to. Please, don't blame yourself."

Before he had the chance to respond, the door opening stole both their attentions away. Voight was home. Without thinking, Erin got up and walked towards him, he opened his arms in response.

"Thank you for sorting everything with Radnor."

"How you doing?"

"Better now you're home. I'm gonna go try get some sleep."

She turned round and gave a small smile to Jay then left the room, hoping that her sleep this time would be void of any dreams.

Voight and Halstead sat awkwardly for a few moments before Voight left, reappearing a few moments later with the bottle of whiskey and two glasses from earlier.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi guys! Please accept my immense apologies that this chapter took so long to upload. I don't really have many excuses except that I've been working a lot lately and it was also my birthday so I was away for a few days. I just want to thank everyone that has stuck with this story so far, it really does mean a lot to me. I hope you like the direction that it's going in and thanks also for all the reviews. **

**This chapter gets a little rough towards the end so please do be careful with yourselves!**

When she awoke, she immediately looked at her phone and couldn't believe that it was just past midday. She'd obviously needed the sleep. She still felt absolutely shattered but knew that she couldn't lay in bed forever. She had to get up and face the music at some point. Her body still ached, protesting painfully at her when she swung her legs out of the bed and stood up but she ignored it, unable to let herself think about the cause of the aching, the previous day's events. Today was a new start, she would make sure of it.

She got dressed in clothes that she hadn't worn in years and made her way towards the kitchen to get a drink of water. As she approached the door, she could hear the voices of Jay and Voight but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. They stopped talking as soon as she walked in.

"Don't stop on my account."

Jay and Voight glanced at each other nervously, unsure of how her mood was going to be.

"You're up. We weren't sure if-"

"If I would stay in bed feeling sorry for myself all day? Come on, you know me better than that, Hank."

He looked into her eyes and realised just how right she was, he did know her, he knew her better than anyone. That's why he could tell that she was putting on an act, trying to convince herself that she was ok. She'd done the exact same thing for the first few weeks of her stay with him when she was younger.

"I didn't mean that, I just meant that no one would blame you if you wanted to take a little time out. In fact, it'd probably be a good idea."

Jay didn't think he had ever felt more uncomfortable in his life. He felt like he was intruding on a family discussion.

After a few moments, Erin finally spoke.

"There's no point in taking time out. What happened, happened. I can't change it now. Can't do anything about it. Time to move on."

"It's been one day, Erin."

Erin turned her head around to face Jay as he spoke.

"So? What day should I mark down to move on? Have you got a number?"

Jay sighed, knowing he probably wasn't going to get anywhere with her. He'd seen this side of her before, the difficult side, but it was always when they were interrogating suspects, trying to get information out of people. She was stubborn, she wouldn't back down and it made her a damn good detective. At this moment, however, Jay felt less than incapable.

"It's not his fault, kid."

Both Erin and Jay turned to face Voight.

"Oh so you two are friends now? Since when, huh? I'm glad my rape could bring you closer together."

The words stung and she knew it. She regretted them as soon as they came out of her mouth but she wouldn't take it back, she was too angry for that. Deep down somewhere, she knew the anger was misplaced but Jay and Voight were the only ones around, she couldn't be angry at Charlie because he wasn't there.

"That's not fair."

"Yeah? Well suck it up, nothing's fair. If you're holding out for fairness in this world then you'll have a long wait."

Jay could see how hurt she was, he could see the emotion simmering near the surface and he even understood why she chose to express it the way she did. She didn't want to cry or get upset because she was embarrassed, humiliated beyond her control. It didn't make it hurt any less though and although he knew his feelings for her were strong, he was shocked at the depth of his love for her in that moment. She was being cruel but he wanted nothing more than to just take her in his arms and hold her until she felt better.

"What can we do for you? Just tell us and we'll do it."

Voight felt like any other father would, desperate to do something to take away his child's pain.

"I don't need anything. I'm fine. I'm ok. I just need space... I just need to breathe."

As she said the words, she left the room and grabbed her coat from where it had been left the night before.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I need some air."

She was out the door before either man could question her further.

"Should we go after her?"

"I think she just needs a little bit of time to herself, straighten her head out."

Jay nodded in response to Voight, hoping it would help her.

**Outside**

Erin didn't know where she was walking to but it felt good to be outdoors in the cool Chicago air. It felt good against her face and she almost felt better for a moment until everything came rushing back into her head. If only she could turn off her mind. She was mad at herself for the way she'd spoken to Jay and Voight, knowing they didn't deserve it. She was just so angry at everything, everyone, herself and she didn't know what to do about it.

She wanted to forget. Forget it all, every last bit of it. It flashed into her mind what she used to do to forget things when she was younger. She would take drugs and lots of them. For a moment, she considered it. It would be so easy. She knew countless dealers, it would be simple tracking somebody down and getting something. She thought of the warmth she would feel as the drugs first entered her system, the calm, the still. Then she thought of the aftermath. The sickness, the shaking, the pain. Those first few weeks at Voight's home when she'd been seriously withdrawing from drugs and she felt as though death was upon her. Would that be so bad now? Just giving up, letting it all take her away? Somewhere, something inside of her willed her not to give up, to carry on, not to let him win. He would want her to do this. He would want her to fall apart just like she always used to because then he was in control again. No. No way, she would not let that happen. She wouldn't take drugs. She couldn't do that. Not to herself, not to Voight. Alcohol, however... that was a different story.

**Voight's Home**

"Well I suppose I should head out."

Voight was pulled from his thoughts by Jay's words.

"Thanks for giving me somewhere to sleep last night."

Voight nodded in response to him. He hadn't had much time to process it yet but he'd seen a different side to Halstead in the past 24 hours. He could see how much Erin meant to him and although it still didn't sit quite right with him, he was glad that she at least had someone else on her side that would do anything for her.

"Let me know if you hear from her, ok?"

Again, Voight nodded and got up to walk Jay to the door. Just as he was leaving, Voight called him back.

"She wasn't going to tell me, was she?"

Their eyes met and Jay knew exactly what he meant. Erin wasn't going to tell him about the rape.

"You should probably talk to Erin about this."

"Would you have told me? If I didn't find out, would you have told me?"

Jay squirmed, knowing that the answer was probably no. He couldn't imagine himself breaking Erin's confidence like that.

"I don't know, Voight. It wouldn't have been my story to tell. I told her to tell you though. I told her that you'd help her. I think she would have come around to the idea either way."

"I'm not so sure. I feel like I'm losing her..."

Voight trailed off, slightly embarrassed that he was getting so deep into conversation with someone who worked for him.

"I think she's probably lost herself a bit just now. It's up to us to bring her back. You said it yourself last night, she needs us."

**At a bar downtown**

She'd had just enough alcohol that she was starting to feel a little bit better, warmer, safer. The previous day's events were starting to blur slightly in her mind and every thought she had was no longer plagued by Charlie. _You can do this_, she told herself. _You can get through this, you're strong enough_. Maybe it was the alcohol giving her courage but part of her actually believed it. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out, sighing immediately as she saw Kelly's name flash up on the screen. She couldn't keep avoiding him, she knew that. It wasn't fair. She got up, went to the bar, ordered one more shot, downed it and made her way to the fire station.

**Firehouse 51**

Kelly threw his phone back down on the desk in his little bedroom area, frustrated that Erin had once again not picked up. He was starting to get worried about her now. He knew that the cases the Intelligence Unit dealt with were rough and that sometimes she just needed a little space from it all but she would always text him or phone him, let him know that she was ok. He hadn't heard a thing from her in over a day now and he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to call the precinct, they hadn't been dating that long and he didn't want her to think he was too clingy, he didn't want to put her off. He had to do something though, he had to know that she was alright. He got up and opened the door.

"Gabby... can you come here for a minute please?"

The paramedic got up and walked towards Severide, a confused look on her face.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could call your brother for me?"

"And tell him what? What do you want to speak to Antonio for?"

Severide sighed, knowing that he was going to have to give her a bit more information.

"Look... you know I've got a thing with Erin Lindsay, right?"

Gabby smiled and nodded.

"Yup, how's that going?"

"Good, really good. Or... it was."

"You two have a fight?"

"No... that's the thing. She just hasn't contacted me in a day or so and I don't know why. I just want to know that she's ok. Do you think you could call Antonio and have him check on her or something?"

Before Gabby could answer, they both heard footsteps behind her.

"That won't be necessary."

Severide would recognise that raspy voice anywhere. Erin.

**Molly's**

Jay sat at the table, waiting on Antonio showing up. He'd gone home and slept for a few hours but decided that he needed a drink and some company.

"Hey man, you started without me?" Antonio motioned to the beer already sitting on the table.

"Sorry, I was thirsty."

Antonio sat down and took in the sight of his colleague sitting opposite him.

"You look like hell."

"Thanks."

Antonio smiled sadly, knowing the exact reason why Jay looked so rough.

"How is she?"

For a moment, Jay considered lying and saying that she was fine. He knew how much Erin would hate the two of them talking about her, how much she'd hate the team knowing that she was struggling but he needed to offload and before he knew it, he was already talking.

"She's a mess, Antonio. I don't even know where she is. She left Voight's earlier today and she isn't picking up her phone. She was so mad... I just... I'm worried about her."

"Erin's tough, Halstead. She'll work it out."

"I'm not so sure this time. She just seems so... broken. I don't know. I don't know what to do to help her."

"Maybe she just needs a little space to process everything, she'll come to you when she's ready."

"And what if she doesn't?"

"Then she'll go to Voight or Severide or me... or someone. She's got a lot of people looking out for her."

"I know but what if she doesn't let anybody in? She can't deal with this on her own."

Antonio sighed, knowing that sounded exactly like something Erin Lindsay would try to do.

**Firehouse 51**

"Erin! Where have you been?"

She didn't know what to say. Her eyes locked with his and for a moment, she felt like she would cry.

"I'll leave you guys to it."

Gabby quickly left the room, not wanting to get involved in a domestic.

"I'm sorry."

Erin drew her eyes away and positioned them towards the floor.

"I was so worried about you."

"I know, I got your messages. I'm sorry."

"It's ok... are you ok?"

She breathed in, preparing herself to tell him what had happened. She looked up and once again, her eyes locked with Kelly's. He smiled gently at her and something inside her stirred. She remembered him coming to her apartment with the grenade paperweight, appearing at her door after the bombings. She'd felt safe in his arms that night, he'd kept his word and stayed with her. Maybe she didn't have to do this. Maybe she didn't have to tell him. Maybe he was the way she could forget.

Erin walked towards Kelly and let her fingers stroke the stubble on his face. He reacted, putting her arms out and pulling her closer to him.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

She wasn't lying, she had missed him. She liked him, she liked him a lot and he did make her feel safe and happy. She could do this. She could forget about Charlie.

Erin looked up at him and silently put her lips against his. She was testing the waters, trying to figure out if she could go through with this. So far so good. Again, Kelly responded; parting his lips and allowing her tongue to enter his mouth. The kiss was slow and drawn out. Erin's hands now found his chest and she still felt ok. Alcohol plus Kelly Severide, who knew that's all she needed to get her through this? But Kelly stopped the kiss too soon for her liking.

"What's going on, Erin?"

"Nothing... I'm sorry for not calling you back, I really am. It was a difficult case and I needed some time out but I'm ok, I promise."

Before Kelly could argue, Erin's lips had crashed onto his again and he finally gave into it, unable to resist her any longer. It was faster now, more passionate and suddenly Erin was pulling at his shirt, trying to get him to pull it over his head. He did exactly that before taking off her jacket and before either of them knew what was happening, they were laying on the bed. Erin's hands stroked up and down his back, enjoying the feeling of his skin against her fingers. _You can do this_. His hands glided underneath her top and even though her breath hitched in her throat, it was due to the coldness and nothing else. She could feel him now, feel him against her, feel that he was aroused. A little part of her was proud of herself, proud she could still do it, she was still sexy. He was kissing her neck, making her breathing more erratic when she felt his hand through her jeans. He was trying to undo the button. _You can do this_. She grabbed his head and forced it back towards hers, she needed him to be kissing her, she needed a distraction to block out the images and flashes that were stabbing their way into her mind once more. Kelly noticed a change in her straight away. She had stiffened and her hands were gripping onto him so tightly that he was sure there would be marks later on.

"Erin... you ok?"

She couldn't answer, she was lost to it now. She was no longer with Severide. She was with him, with Charlie and her mind wouldn't let her escape.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy! It is also a bit of a filler chapter (sorry!) and I know a lot of them seem to be lately but I guess I find writing dialogue a lot easier than writing action. Anyway... to the person that said they think Shay is the one that will die in Chicago Fire, I so hope that you are wrong! She is one of my favourites and I love her relationship with Severide. I tried to add a little of that in here but I don't know how well that turned out.**

**Anyway, thanks again for the reviews etc, I love reading them!**

"Erin... are you ok?"

Kelly could tell that was a stupid question as soon as it left his mouth because he could clearly see that she wasn't ok. He had no idea what had happened, what had went wrong. One minute they were kissing on his bed and the next she'd clammed up and stopped responding to him. From the distant, far away look on her face, he wasn't even sure that she could hear him.

He removed himself completely from on top of her and sat himself beside her on the bed, giving her a slight shake.

"Talk to me! What's going on?"

No response.

He didn't know what to do. She looked to him to be in some sort of a trance. She was completely rigid, frozen to the spot and her grip that had been on him had now transferred to the bed sheets. Her breathing seemed faster than normal and her eyes had glassed over. After observing her for a few moments longer, he did the only thing he could think of and went to the door to call for help.

"Shay! Dawson! Get in here!"

Shay was about to make a quip about the fact he wasn't wearing a shirt but decided against it when she heard the urgency in his voice and saw the look on his face. Something was wrong.

"Is everything ok? Did Lindsay leave?"

Gabby spoke as she walked towards Severide's room with Shay.

"No but I need help..."

He trailed off as they walked in, pointing over to the bed where Erin still lay.

"What's going on?"

Shay made her way over towards Lindsay as she spoke, alarmed at the state she was in.

"I don't know, Shay. I don't what happened. She's not responding to me, I don't even know if she can hear me."

Shay checked Erin's pulse and noted that it was a bit faster than normal. She placed her hand over her forehead but she didn't feel hot or clammy. Gabby repeated those actions to check for herself.

"Lindsay? Can you hear me?"

Still no response. Shay and Gabby gave each other a knowing look before turning to face Severide.

"It looks like a panic attack. A pretty severe one, but a panic attack all the same. What were you guys doing when it happened?"

Severide looked down at the floor, ashamed. Something he had done had caused this to happen to her.

"We were... kissing. We were on the bed... look, I didn't do anything to her, I swear. I wouldn't."

Shay immediately walked over to Kelly and took his hand.

"I know you wouldn't."

"Is she going to be ok?"

Shay nodded her head.

"She probably just needs to ride it out. I'm gonna go and get her some water."

Gabby stood up before Shay could leave.

"It's ok, I'll go."

She knew that Kelly would probably rather have Shay there than her at that moment.

"I don't know what happened, Shay. I was so worried about her, you know that, then she showed up and she said she was fine... she started this today, she kissed me... she... what did I do?"

"Nothing, ok, seriously, stop blaming yourself, she'll be ok. It'll just take a minute or so and then she'll be back to normal and she can tell us what happened."

Kelly looked over at Erin and saw that her grip was already starting to loosen on the sheets and that her breathing was beginning to slow down slightly. Her eyes were still glazed over but she didn't look quite as bad as she had done before.

"She said her unit had a tough case and that she needed some time out, that's why she hadn't called or anything. Maybe it's to do with that?"

"Maybe."

Erin heard them for the first time since Shay and Gabby had come into the room. She felt slightly calmer because she knew where she was now. She was at the firehouse, in body and mind. Before, her mind had travelled back to Charlie's apartment, to being on the streets with him when she was a kid, to times that she didn't want to remember.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was small and weak but both Shay and Kelly heard. He immediately made his way over to her and took her hand in his.

"Are you ok? You had me so worried."

She nodded her head shakily and sat up.

"Shay's here, let her just check you over?"

Erin's head snapped over towards Shay and her cheeks reddened, embarrassed.

"I'm fine, honestly."

Shay walked towards Kelly and patted him gently on the back before giving Erin a small smile.

"I'll leave you both to it. She's fine, Kelly."

With that, she left the room and told Gabby also to leave them in peace for a while.

"What happened, Erin?"

For a moment, she considered lying to him again but almost as soon as the idea entered her head, it was gone again. She couldn't do this. She couldn't pretend that everything was ok, that nothing had happened. Something had happened, something huge and she had to deal with it. If that meant telling people then so be it.

"I... I don't know where to start."

Looking at her, he could tell that she was scared and he desperately wanted to know what was hurting her so badly. He cared about her a lot, he just wanted to help.

"I'm here for whatever you need, Erin... you scared me."

"I know. I scared myself... I know I haven't really told you anything about my past, you haven't asked and I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. But a few weeks ago, someone from my past came back... an ex-boyfriend, not a good one and... he was involved in our case yesterday. I went to talk to him to try and get him to see sense but things just got out of my control, I still don't really understand how it happened... I didn't want to say anything to you because of Katie, I didn't think it was fair-"

"What do you mean because of Katie?"

As soon as the words left Severide's mouth, he knew exactly what she meant. She had been raped, just like his sister.

Erin saw the realisation in his face and she had to close her eyes, she didn't want to see the hurt and pity in his eyes.

"Oh my god."

Erin opened her eyes to see that Kelly was no longer sitting beside her, he was pacing the room with his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Kelly but I... I can't do this, not now. I need space, I need time... I just need to get out of my head for a little while and I can't drag you along for that, it's not fair. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Before Kelly even had a chance to respond to her, she had got up and left the room, left the firehouse altogether. She kept her head down as she walked out, not needing any questions from anyone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi guys! Sorry once again for the little delay in updating. I am now back at uni which means trying to juggle that with my jobs and everything else so I have a little less time for writing. I must admit that I'm struggling a bit with this. I know where I want it to go but I'm just a bit lost on how to get it there. Don't worry, I'm not giving up though, I just need to give it another think. If anyone has any tips then let me know! **

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy!**

Shay walked the few steps back into Severide's quarters after seeing Lindsay leave in such a hurry.

"What happened? Is she ok?"

Severide looked up and the look on his face gave Shay her answer.

"I can't believe this has happened."

"What? What happened?"

"She was raped. Erin was raped."

Shay sat down next to Severide in disbelief.

"When? Who? That's why she freaked out?"

"Yesterday, that's why I didn't hear from her all day. She said it was an ex, someone involved in their case. I don't know, Shay, I just let her leave, what is wrong with me?"

She put her arm around him in an attempt at comfort, not having many words at that moment.

"She kept apologising and she said she needed space and I just let her go. I just... something could have happened between us today, Shay. If she hadn't panicked, freaked out like she did... we would have had sex, we very nearly did. That can't have been what she wanted, can it? But she didn't say anything, she just came in and the next thing I knew she was kissing me... how could this have happened, Shay? First Katie and now Erin... I don't understand."

"Hey, you need to calm down, Kelly, we don't need you having a panic attack too. Nothing happened between you guys today, you didn't do anything to her. She's probably just confused, hurt... if this just happened to her yesterday, god knows where her head's at."

**Erin's Apartment**

She couldn't really remember walking back to her apartment, everything was starting to get a bit hazy in her mind again. There she was though, bottle of vodka in hand, searching through her pockets for her keys when she bumped right into Kim Burgess. She jumped back, startled, having not been prepared for the contact.

"What are you doing here?"

It took a few seconds before Kim replied. She'd never seen Erin like this before. Her eyes were red, she'd clearly been crying. Her hair was a mass of curls, pulled back into a messy bun that was sitting upon her head and she was dressed in old jeans and a baggy jumper.

"I, uh... I just came to see if you were ok."

"How do you even know where I live? Did Voight send you?"

Kim had hoped to at least get past the door before Erin twigged that Voight had asked her to go round but she supposed that she was a detective for a reason.

"Maybe. He might have mentioned that you left his earlier today and hadn't been answering your phone."

"So he sent you to check up on me? To do his dirty work?"

"I think he just understood that you didn't want to talk to him right now."

"And he thinks I would want to talk to you? Why? Because you're female? No offence or anything but we're not exactly best friends."

Burgess nodded, having been warned by Voight that Erin may require some talking round.

"I get it, it's weird me just showing up here but I honestly did just want to see if you were ok, not only for Voight. But I'll leave you in peace if that's what you want."

She turned to walk away but just as she'd reached the end of the corridor, she heard Erin's voice.

"You like vodka? That's the rules tonight, you can't come in if you don't like vodka."

"Love it."

**Voight's House**

Voight sat down nursing a glass of whiskey. Truth be told, he wasn't much of a drinker but it seemed the appropriate thing to do in the situation. Olinsky sat across from him doing exactly the same thing.

"I don't know what to do to help her, Alvin."

"She just needs time, Hank. Time to process everything."

"So I do what? Nothing? Just leave her suffering?"

"No, you be there for her. She'll let you know if she needs something. She just needs support."

Voight stood up and started pacing the room, feeling too agitated to sit down.

"I just can't believe this even happened. I knew Pugliesi was a low life and you know I had my suspicions about him laying his hands on her when she was a kid but I never imagined that this would happen."

"I don't think any of us did."

"When I heard that he was back in town I just figured it was for a deal or something, I left her to handle him on her own when I could have made him leave again."

"Don't, Voight. Don't blame yourself. Erin might be mad at you right now but she'd hate to think that you thought this was your fault."

"It is though! I was just too caught up with work that I forgot how bad things were between the two of them all those years ago. If I'd just taken a few minutes to think about it-"

"Then he might still have done it. You don't know, Voight. She'll get through this, she's tough, you know she is."

"She shouldn't have to be this tough."

Olinsky nodded in agreement with Voight. No one should have to go through what Lindsay had.

"She's got the whole unit behind her, she's not on her own."

"I just hope she talks to Burgess. She's been ignoring Halstead and I all day."

**Erin's**

"Don't you have anything to mix it with?"

Burgess looked down at her full glass of straight vodka, daunted.

"No point drinking it if you're not going to drink it properly."

Erin raised her glass and motioned for Kim to do the same.

"I don't really have anything to toast to but hey... here's to getting drunk."

Kim hesitated for a moment, thinking of what Voight's reaction to this would be. He'd asked her to check on Erin and give her a bit of support, try and get her to open up a bit, he probably didn't mean get wrecked with her. However looking into Erin's eyes, seeing the desperation and pain there, she couldn't deny her the company.

"To getting drunk."

Both girls took a sip from their glasses, Kim immediately having to surpress the urge to spit it back out.

"Damn, that is strong!"

"Here's hoping."

Erin placed her glass back at her lips and threw the whole lot back into her mouth. She winced slightly as the liquid burned the back of her throat but almost before she'd swallowed it all, she reached for the bottle and poured another glass.

"Maybe you should slow down a bit, Erin."

"Why? It's not like I have to go to work tomorrow. Voight told me to take some personal days. Lucky me!"

"I just... they said you fainted, that you had to go to hospital, maybe drinking isn't the best idea."

"I went to hospital to get a rape kit done. Sort of... they checked me over anyway. Alcohol can't do anything to make that worse."

The atmosphere in the apartment had changed. Erin's eyes glassed over slightly as she thought of lying in that hospital bed, being poked and prodded by the doctor.

"I'm sorry. I know that means absolutely nothing to you but I am sorry."

Erin looked up at Burgess, glad for the distraction to take her away from the memory.

"It does mean something. And I'm sorry too... I didn't mean to speak to you the way I did out there, I did the same to Voight and Halstead earlier too... I'm just... angry, I guess."

"That's understandable."

"Is it?"

"Of course it is! I can't even imagine what you're going through, Erin. Nadia was right during that case, nothing like this has ever happened to me."

Erin groaned at the mention of Nadia's name.

"Oh God, Nadia! She's getting out of rehab in a few days, I'm supposed to look after her until she finds an apartment and a job."

"Hey, don't worry about that. We've got your back, Erin, the whole unit. We'll figure something out with Nadia."

"You don't understand, I can't abandon her. She needs me."

"Maybe you need to think about what you need right now."

"I need to give myself a shake and stop acting like a victim."

"I know you're probably not going to want to hear this but you're allowed to act like the victim when you are the victim. Something horrible happened to you, Erin, you need to let yourself deal with that. You can't just pretend that it's not there."

At those words, Erin downed her second glass of vodka. She knew that Burgess was right but she just didn't know what to do, how to deal with it.

"I don't want them to think I'm weak, Burgess."

"Who?"

"The unit, my team. You understand what it's like being a woman doing this job. It's hard enough to be taken seriously as it is."

Burgess nodded, knowing she'd definitely experienced that at times in her career so far.

"It is, I know that but you have to understand that no one thinks less of you for this. This is something that was done to you, not something that you did. I hope you know that."

Erin shrugged, not really knowing what she believed anymore. Her head was constantly fighting itself, one minute she knew that Charlie was to blame, the next she blamed herself for not being able to stop him.

"You're the one I look up to, you know."

"What?"

"It's no secret that I want to be in Intelligence but it's partly down to you. You're such a good detective, Lindsay. I hope I can be as good as you one day."

Erin smiled at Kim, unsure if she meant what she was saying or was simply just trying to make her feel better. Either way, she appreciated the sentiment.

"You already are. You're a great cop, Kim. You'll get into Intelligence, I have no doubt about that."

"Then there'll be two of us up there and those boys will have to prove to us that they're deserving of their places!"

They both laughed, the first laugh that Erin could remember in weeks.

"Thank you, I needed that."

"I'm serious though, Erin. You have nothing to prove to anybody. Nobody thinks you're weak or anything like that. Please don't think like that."

Before Erin could answer, they were interrupted by a knock at her door.

"Please tell me you didn't tell Voight to come over, he'll be so pissed if he sees me drunk right now."

"I didn't, I promise. You want me to get it?"

"No, it's ok."

Erin got up off her seat and with a deep breath, opened the door.

Halstead.

"I know you're mad and I know you're hurting... I just wanted to see if you needed anything, I couldn't stand the thought of you being alone."

Just as Jay finished speaking, Burgess walked up behind Erin.

"Oh. I didn't realise that you had company."

Jay was a little put out that Erin had called Burgess rather than him but he was just glad that she had someone with her.

"Voight sent her."

Erin had picked up on Jay's resentment and wanted to reassure him.

"Do you want me to go?"

She shook her head, unable to take her eyes away from his. She wanted to apologise, she wanted to cry, she wanted to feel his arms around her but she didn't want him to go.

"I'll go, Erin. I probably shouldn't drink anymore anyway seeing as how I do have work tomorrow. But listen, if you need anything, anything at all, you call me, ok?"

Finally, Erin glanced away from Halstead and moved closer to Kim, grabbing her into a hug.

"Thank you."

Kim nodded before exchanging a small smile with Halstead and leaving the apartment, safe in the knowledge that Erin wasn't alone. Jay followed Erin through and sat down where Kim previously had been, taking in the bottle of vodka and glasses sat on the table in front of him.

"Vodka, huh? Don't think I've ever seen you drink vodka before."

"It does the job, right?"

Jay smiled at her, understanding her need to get drunk and just forget everything for a little while.

"Listen Jay, I'm really sorry about earlier today."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine. I was angry and I took it out on you and Voight when I had no right to. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you both on my side."

"We're always going to be on your side, Erin."

"I'm sorry."

"Like I said, it's fine. I know you're under a lot of stress right now, don't give it another thought."

Erin nodded silently but Jay could see that something was still troubling her.

"What is it?"

"I did something stupid today."

Jay's first thought was drugs after the conversation he'd had with her the night before.

"What did you do?"

"I went to see Kelly and I... I was going to tell him about what happened but then I thought maybe I could just pretend like it hadn't happened, carry on as normal... I kissed him, we... we were-"

"Erin, what happened?"

"I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I freaked out, I mean majorly freaked out. I couldn't see Kelly anymore, all I could see in my head was Charlie. I couldn't breathe, I don't know what happened... I think I'm going crazy, Jay."

He got up off his seat and walked round towards her, placing his arms around her protectively.

"You're not crazy, Erin. You're just trying to do too much too soon. You need to give yourself some time."

"I know... it's just... it's hard. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to keep hurting people. Kelly was devastated."

"What did he say?"

"I had to tell him, I had to let him know that he hadn't done anything wrong. I told him that I needed some space because I can't do this right now, I can't do anything right now."

Jay held her just that bit tighter as he heard how lost she sounded. He wished he had a quick fix for her, some way to take away all the pain.

"I'm here, ok? For whatever you need, I'm here."

He kissed the top of her head gently and rubbed her back to try and soothe her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello! So I'm always just apologising on this bit for the delays and here I am doing it again. I do have some legitimate reasons this time though! As I think I've mentioned before, I'm from Scotland and on the day I posted my last update, my country voted on whether or not we should be independent. Unfortunately, the vote didn't go the way I wanted and it really knocked me for six for a while. I'm so disappointed! So I haven't really felt in the mood for writing. On top of that, I broke my arm! The pain has subsided slightly now and although it's a pain to type one-handed, I felt I owed it to you guys to read this story.**

**Also... Chicago Fire... Shay! I'm so sad. I had this chapter planned before I watched the premiere but she features prominently in this one and I suppose it's my little way of saying goodbye to an awesome character. Hopefully I did her justice!**

**Anyway, sorry for the ramblings... enjoy!**

She lay in bed wondering what she was supposed to do with herself now. Sleep was evading her, probably because she sat around in her apartment and did nothing all day but she just couldn't find the motivation to do anything. The silence was pierced only slightly by the noise of the traffic outside and she felt a small pang of anger that life was just going on without her. She should be out there, driving around the city with her partner, chasing bad guys but she couldn't, instead she was lying in her bed for what seemed like an eternity.

It had been a week since the rape. Longest and shortest week of her life. When she thought of it, thought of the moment that Charlie's hands forced her down onto that sofa, it felt like it had just happened; it was still raw. The feeling she had though, the pain, the numbness, the emptiness, she felt like she'd had that feeling forever.

Knocking on her door pulled her out of her thoughts and she hesitated, deciding if she wanted to answer it or not. She settled on a yes, maybe some company would do her good. As she got up, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked a mess, she knew that, but she didn't care.

When she opened the door, she did not expect to see Leslie Shay standing on the other side. She'd expected Halstead, Voight, maybe Burgess or Antonio. Definitely not Shay.

"Hi."

Shay was nervous, although not as nervous as Erin clearly was. They'd never been alone together before, never spoken to each other without Kelly being involved.

Erin was momentarily stunned. She saw Shay and immediately her mind flashed to Kelly... then to the last time she'd seen him. She hadn't spoken to him since, she was too embarrassed.

"I know it's a bit strange for me to just show up here but I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Internally telling herself to get a grip, Erin finally stepped aside and motioned for Shay to enter her apartment. She suddenly felt self conscious about the way she was dressed.

They both sat down on the couch, awkwardness filling the room.

"Do you want something to drink?"

Erin turned to face the kitchen and cringed at the sight of the empty bottles on her counter.

"No, I'm good."

Silence.

Shay knew why she was there but now that she was, she felt cruel. She felt like she was intruding on Erin's healing process and everything was making her uncomfortable.

"Did Kelly send you?"

Shay shook her head before she spoke.

"No, he doesn't actually even know that I'm here. He's trying to do what you asked and give you space."

Erin nodded, believing what she'd been told. Kelly wasn't one to pry, he never had been and it was part of the attraction for her. As much as she loved her unit at work, they all wanted to know about her past and her connection with Voight. She understood, they were detectives and Voight was something of an enigma to them but it was exhausting keeping secrets all the time. With Kelly, she'd never felt like that because he just took her at face value, he respected her boundaries.

"So, uh... I don't mean to be rude or anything but why are you here?"

"I just wanted to let you know how devastated he is for you. Everyone is. I can't even imagine what you're going through."

Erin had heard that line countless times in the past week. _I can't imagine what you're going through_. It was a weird line, she thought. It implied that she was going somewhere whereas Erin just felt stuck.

"Kelly told me what really happened between the two of you when you came to see him last week and he's really terrified that he might have hurt you, Lindsay."

Erin felt a lump form in her throat and she swallowed harshly, eager to get rid of it. She would not cry.

"That was my fault. He did nothing wrong."

"I've tried telling him that but... he was accused of taking advantage of someone before. Almost lost his career over it-"

"What?"

"I wasn't sure if you knew or not. He was innocent, I promise you that. It all worked out for him in the end but it was a really rough time and I think he's just worried that he went too far with you."

"No, it was me. It was all me. I thought maybe I could pretend it hadn't happened... I don't know. I didn't really think it through. And no, I didn't know that Kelly had been accused of that before but you don't have to tell me that he was innocent, I know he'd never do that to somebody. He doesn't have it in him."

Shay watched Erin closely as her eyes took on a distant, far away look. She felt like a horrible person, here to try and get a bit of help for her friend from someone that was struggling so badly.

"I guess I'm just saying that he could probably use hearing that about now. I know it's a lot to ask, I know you've got a lot going on but he feels so guilty, he can't even bring himself to talk to Katie on the phone because... well, you know why."

Erin breathed in deeply, struggling to get a handle on her emotions. Her heart hurt to think of Kelly feeling so guilty, thinking he'd done something to her.

"You're right, I should call him. Or text, maybe. I should have explained myself better at the station but I... I don't know, words are kinda failing me these days."

"I get it. Listen, I'm sorry that I came here and sorta ambushed you with this but he's my best friend, you know?"

"I know. He's special, I see that. I just... I don't have anything to give right now."

"He understands."

The room was silent once more but it was much less awkward. After a few moments, Erin spoke.

"Did you drive here? Do you think you could drop me off somewhere? It's probably not been long enough since I had a drink."

"Sure."

She had an overwhelming need to see Voight. She needed to apologise to him, let him know that she didn't really hate him. She'd spoken to him over the course of the week but things were strained because she didn't know how to express herself properly. That had to stop. Shay had shown her that.

**Voight's**

Erin knocked on the door even though she had a key. She just didn't feel like using it right now.

When Voight opened the door, she couldn't read his expression but whatever he was thinking didn't last for long. He put his arms out and she almost melted into them, feeling like a scared teenager again.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for how I've been acting, for pushing everyone away and being so angry. I'm sorry."

He held her tightly and walked with her into the sitting room.

"You've nothing to apologise for, Erin."

"I do, I really do. I know that you're trying to help me, I know that you're worried and I know I'm not making any of that easier for you."

"There's no textbook answer on how to deal with this, Erin, you're doing the best you can."

"I wish that were true. I made a mistake, didn't I?"

Voight looked at her, confused.

"The rape kit, at the hospital. I should have done it all, I should have done it properly. He deserves to be punished for this. My anger should be directed at him, not at you or anyone else but I've lost that chance now. It's too late."

He wished he could tell her that it wasn't too late, that she could still press charges and she'd get the outcome that she wanted but he knew she was probably right. Of course there was nothing stopping her from going to the police station and telling the truth but vital evidence was lost now and it would have been a tricky case to prove even with it.

"He'll still go to jail."

"Yeah but not for rape, not for what he did to me."

Voight didn't have an answer for that. Erin was like him, she wanted justice and he so badly wanted to get that for her but that ship had sailed.

"I'm such an idiot. All of this, it's all my fault, Hank. I should have seen this coming, why the hell did I not see it? He's not a good guy, never has been, I see that now but it's too late, the damage is already done."

"You can recover from this, I know you can. You're a fighter, you're strong, have been since the day I met you."

She nodded limply, not really believing him.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course you can, you'll always have a room here, Erin."

She smiled thankfully at him and made her way down the hallway to her old bedroom.

Hours later when she woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, something clicked in her mind. She was the one that had to end this. She knew what she had to do. Looking at her phone, she saw that it was almost 4am but it didn't matter. She snuck out of Voight's, climbing skillfully out of the window like she'd done countless times before. Cursing when she remembered that she didn't have her car, she began making the 20 minute or so walk back to her apartment. She used the time to try and find another way out but there wasn't one. She needed justice, she needed vengeance. She couldn't let Voight, Olinsky and Halstead kill Charlie but that didn't mean that she couldn't do it.

When she reached her apartment, she grabbed her badge and her gun and went back downstairs to her car. She then drove to the prison that she knew Charlie was being held at. All she had to do now was wait. Wait until it was a reasonable hour and then she could walk in there, no questions asked due to her badge, and blow his brains out.


End file.
